


Broken Promises

by T32white



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom!Harry!, Cheating, Dirty Talk, Drunk Sex, Equal Larry and Ziam :), Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, First Time Flashback, Harry's On a Mission, Heartbreak, M/M, Oral, Party Louis--Let's Make That a Thing, Sex in the Club, Sex in the Loo, Still learning how to tag, Top!Louis!, Zayn's Mouth Tho, sweet talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-04 02:56:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 33,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/T32white/pseuds/T32white
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three days.  That's all it took.  Australia was right around the corner--but it didn't matter.  Three days was all it took to destroy everything.  Can Zayn, Liam and Gemma put it all back together again?  More importantly, do they want to?  Or will they leave Harry to do it all by himself this time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Photo

"What the actual fuck is that noise?" Zayn wasn't used to this. No one messed with his sleep--they all knew better. So why was there a loud beeping sound echoing through his hotel room. 

"Huh? Z...what's going on? Go back to sleep?" Liam curled his body back around Zayn to try and coax him back into the warm, peaceful rest that that rarely got to enjoy. They were on holiday, for crying out loud. 

"Dude...Li....turn your phone off...we're on a break," Zayn managed to mumble out.

"Not my phone. It's off and in my bag...must be yours." 

"Not mine, Li."

"Oh...it must be Lou's then. I'll turn it off." Liam reluctantly unwrapped his body from his warm boyfriend and untangled himself from the bed sheet they had stolen from the other hotel room bed last night. The original one was simply too defiled to sleep under. 

Liam struggled to get his bearings. They'd only been in this hotel room for a day and a half, so he was unsure of his surroundings. He cautiously made his was into the living room to find Lou's phone. He must have left it here after the late night FIFA extravaganza where Louis had managed to beat Zayn five straight times. That was OK with Liam, though. He was always more than willing to help Zayn lick is wounds. The memory caused a smile to creep into the corners of Liam's sleepy mouth. It would be a long time before another smile would make it's way across his face.

Liam stood staring at Lou's phone for a good five minutes. Why in the hell did he click on that text message. Why in the hell didn't Lou have his phone password protected? And more importantly, what the fuck was Harry Styles thinking? And most importantly....what the actual fuck did Nick fucking Grimshaw think he was doing? 

"Uh...Z....I need you."

"Li, after last night," Zayn groggily replied, "I thought we'd be good for a few..."

"Right now."

Zayn woke up in an instant. He knew Liam better than anyone else did--probably even his family--and he knew Liam's "oh shit" voice well. He'd been on the receiving end on a handfull of occasions, and it wasn't pretty. Zayn threw on a pair of boxers, flipped on the lamp and made his way over to the love seat Liam was sitting on. The look on his boyfriends face scared him. He'd seen that look before. It was the one Liam got just before going into full on panic mode. 

"Uh...Li...what's wrong love?"

"I can't believe this shit is happening again. I just can't believe it."

"What is it?" Zayn almost made a joke about Lou having porn on his phone again, but after taking another look at Liam's face, decided better of it. 

Liam looked up from the phone and Zayn could not only see concern on his best friends face, but tears on his cheeks. This was bad. Really bad. Zayn's first thought was that something must have happened to Lou's mom--or heaven forbid, one of his sisters--but that didn't make sense. Liam had said again. After exhaling and taking another big breath in, Liam handed the phone over to Zayn. 

Zayn took one look and threw the fucking phone against the hotel room wall. 

*************

"What the hell are we going to do?" Liam had no idea. Really, he didn't. The last time something like this happened, it almost ended the band--not to mention what it had done to Louis. 

"Fuck, Li. I'm going to kill that bastard."

"Which one?" 

"The both of them. Christ. Go pick up the phone, Li. I know what we're gonna do." 

Liam walked over to pick up Lou's phone. Much to his dismay, the damn thing was still in working order, and that fucking picture was still shining on the screen. At this point, Liam was hoping this was all a bad dream--some sort of repeat nightmare. Maybe that picture didn't actually show what he THOUGHT it showed. Maybe he had it all wrong. It only took one glance for him to realize that wasn't the case. There it was again...that picture...burning its way into his memory. The backseat of a car. Nick fucking Grimshaw with his pants around his ankles and one leg propped up on the seat. And Harry. God damned Harry Styles with his lips around Grimshaw's dick.


	2. Sore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's Mistake

Harry's subconscious woke up first. And it woke up confused. Really confused. For one, why was Lou draped all over him? He was the big spoon. Had been for a year now. And why were Lou's feet so bleeding cold? His feet were never cold. His boyfriend was like a human furnace that always ran on high. Harry's muddled brain slowly started to engage. Why is everything backwards? Oh. Harry realized he was on the right side of the bed. That wasn't his side. Never had been--not even from the beginning. He was a left side man, which worked, because Louis always wanted to be closest to the door. Harry had called him ridiculous. Lou just smiled a lazy smile at him and said, "I love you Haz, I want to protect you even while I'm sleeping." 

Harry's head exploded and his stomach lurched as he swung his heavy legs over the side of the too-low bed. He bent over and put his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his hands. Everything was very, very wrong. Slowly, he lifted his head and peered into the darkness. Why was the room so dark? They never kept it totally dark like this--it made it harder to find their way to the bathroom during the middle of the night. He was too clumsy for total darkness. It just didn't work with his long, uncoordinated limbs and flighty sense of direction. And that was in broad daylight--and on a good day. Lou had always left a small light on in the bathroom to keep him from killing himself.

Harry glanced at the small clock. 4:30. He considered going back to sleep, but he was too disoriented for that. Something was off. He was off. And what was that scratching noise? And since when did the neighbors get a dog? He could hear faint barking--and even that hurt his head. Harry turned his body in an effort to wake Louis up--and that's when realization hit him--and it hit him hard. 

"Nick, wake up." 

"Huh? Whats it? Sleep. Go back to sleep."

"Nick. Please, I need to talk to you." If Harry wasn't sick before, he was now. The room was spinning and he could barely recognize the man stretched out in the bed next to him. 

"Not yet, pop star. Go make some cereal and watch some cartoons or summat."

"It's 4:30 in the morning. Nothings on yet. Please, Nick. Wake the fuck up. We need to talk."

"It's 4:30 in the afternoon, genius. And I don't have to get up until 6....so." Ignoring Harry, Nick rolled over and threw a pillow over his head. He obviously wasn't getting up, and he obviously had no intention whatsoever of talking to Harry.

"Fine. Later, though?"

"Yeah...sure...later," Nick grumbled from beneath his oversized pillow. 

Harry really needed to talk to Nick. He really needed to figure out what the hell happened last night. When he stood up to find his clothes, he got all the information he needed. He was sore. Really sore. And that's when Harry stumbled to the bathroom and puked his guts up. A few minutes later, after Harry had managed to rinse his mouth and get himself dressed, he crossed the now familiar bedroom and opened the door to leave. 

"My sick little pop star...call me later, yeah Hazzah?"

Harry's empty stomach tumbled yet again.

"We need to talk, Nick. And don't call me that," Harry mumbled lowly as he crossed the bedroom and walked out of Nick's flat without looking back. 

*********


	3. Waves

Chapter 3: Waves

Harry stumbled out of Nick's flat and onto the sidewalk. He had never been so thankful to live in London as he was today. The overcast, dreary sky fit his mood--and did little to disturb his aching head. To his credit, he managed to hail a cab, give the driver directions and stare out the window for a good minute before the tears started to fall. Harry ducked his head into the sleeve of his Burberry coat and let them. He couldn't hold them back even if he wanted to. Harry couldn't remember a time in his life when he had ever felt so disgusted with himself. And that included the last time. The last time. Fucking hell. Harry had made Promises. He'd promised himself. He'd promised his bandmates, his family and all of his friends. And he'd promised Louis. The tears didn't stop. His coat sleeve would be soaked through soon, but Harry couldn't be bothered to care. 

"Here, mate," the driver called out, pulling Harry out of his self-loathing. 

"What? Soon innit?" 

"No mate. Here's here. 12 even."

"12? That's not enough. Where are we?"

"Are you still bleeding drunk, mate? We're at the address you gave me. 12 even."

Harry looked outside the cab for the first time since his emotions got the better of him. Shit. Did he really give this address? Harry stared out at the familiar apartment complex as his subconscious sneered at him. Of course. He wasn't even that surprised, really. Luckily, he still carried the key. They both did. Neither of them had the heart to give up the place, and both decided to renew the lease even though the apartment lay mostly empty. 

"12 even then." Harry handed over the money and unfolded himself out of the cab.

"Cheers, mate. Better have a lie in then. Looks like you could use one."

Harry didn't reply, just nodded and headed down a familiar sidewalk that led to his and Louis first apartment. 

**********

Without heat, the place was frigidly cold. The emptiness added to the lack of heat, and Harry wondered why they had ever left the place. He loved living there with Louis. It had been an amazing year--a year filled with happy beginnings and firsts. The thought made his throat close tight. He really needed some Percetamol and a cuppa, but that wasn't going to happen. He knew full well the cupboards were empty. He could relate. Harry took a minute to look around the place, assessing what was left of their once happy home. A kitchen table and two chairs that were too small for Louis' new kitchen. An oversized chair singularly haunted a corner of the living area, but that was it. He knew the bedrooms were bare, and he didn't think he could manage to walk into either one even if he had to. 

Harry meant to pull out one of the dusty dining room chairs, sit down, and lay his head down on the wood table. He made it as far as the kitchen entry way and collapsed onto the hard, cold floor. 

**********

When he woke, it was dark outside. London. Harry rolled over and looked up at the ceiling. There were still splotches of something they were unable to remove after their "moving out" party. His mind wandered to the morning after that party and he had to wrap his arms around himself to stop the shaking. He told himself it was because he was cold. His heart knew the truth. Louis called that morning the first morning of forever. At the time, Harry agreed. Harry picked himself up off the floor and made his way over to the comfy chair in his former living room. After stretching his back out, he folded himself into it and let his mind wander. He deserved this. He deserved every second of what was to come--and he knew it would come. But guilt always played tricks on Harry. It came in waves--but not the tidal wave Harry would have preferred. These waves crashed upon him without warning and without decency. It was going to be a long night.


	4. Lost

Louis heard the ding! from his laptop. He tried to ignore it, he really did. It was bad enough he was in Australia alone--he should at least be able to get some rest. Not that he slept much when Harry wasn't next to him. The bed just felt too big. Louis groaned and rolled over, eyeing the computer on the night stand beside him. Maybe it was a message from Haz. He missed him so much. Fucking management. Who on earth decided that Harry was supposed to be the fashionista of this group anyway? With maybe the exception of Niall, everyone had a better sense of style than Styles. It was a joke amongst the lads--but Harry enjoyed the free clothes--and Louis enjoyed the way Saint Laurent hung low on his boyfriends hips. So he tried to keep the jokes down to a minimum. 

With a heart-felt groan, Louis grabbed his computer off the table and entered his password. The first thing he checked, as always, was his twitter account. He had been hacked recently, and management was prone to answering (or deleting) some of his messages, so he had become accustomed to checking it. Nothing new. His social media routine was as close to a habit as he could possibly maintain. Twitter, then text. Where in the world was his phone? He had lost track of his phone once before...and what a fiasco that had created for Modest! If he remembered correctly, it cost him a fair bit of money, too. Since then, he had been extremely careful when it came to the whereabouts of his mobile. He looked over to the opposite night stand, but no. Had he left it in Liam and Zayn's room last night? Probably. He remembered being in a hurry to get the hell out of there. He had no intention whatsoever of watching Liam and Zayn do....whatever it was they do. With Harry back in London there was no point, really. 

Lou bit back the first pangs of arousal that predictably followed the thought of any kind of sex--especially if it concerned his two best friends and band mates. That just wouldn't do. He'd come a long way from the promiscuous 19-year-old he'd once been. Hell, he was much worse even before 19, but he'd managed to keep that between him and only a few others. "Lucky Lewis " he said aloud. And he meant it. He'd been very secretive about his past with everyone--except for Harry. The bungalow was a time for sharing, but he only shared his most intimate details with one member of the group. Even then, they'd had a special bond--a connection really--that Louis didn't entirely know what to do with. It was emotional and trippy all at the same time. They'd both been through a lot since then. Ups and Downs. No doubt about it. But Louis trusted Harry now. Even after what had happened. 

Lou realized that he needed his phone. What if Haz had called and he missed it? The time difference was brutal, and he didn't want to miss Harry's call. After looking over at the clock, Lou decided to walk across the hall to see if Liam was up. He knew Zayn was probably still asleep, but it was worth a shot. After grabbing some joggers and an old sweat shirt, he grabbed his room key and headed over. 

Louis couldn't believe it when Zayn answered the door--he even looked awake. 

"Hey Z. What are you doing awake? Liam's performance lacking these days?" Louis joked. 

"Uh...Liam? It's Lou..."

What the hell? Louis was expecting a come-back from Zayn for that one. Maybe even a playful punch--but all he got was a weird stare and a less than stellar comeback? Maybe sexed out Zayn was a good thing? Louis smiled knowingly at his best friend. 

"Aren't you going to ask me in, you twat? Has two days of sex turned your brain to mush already?" 

"Uh....Liam? Lou's here....he, uh....Liam?"

Louis wasn't expecting Zayn to even be awake. That would have been normal. This was freaking him out. He walked inside and noticed Liam was sitting in the large living area and holding his phone. Thank Christ. He wouldn't have to listen to anyone lecture him about being reckless, or about how much money his last mishap had cost. Louis hurried over to Liam, anxious to see if Harry had called. 

"Hey Li, what's up with Zayn over there....I guess I underestimated your skills, mate. He's dumbstruck and passive. Good on you." 

Liam just stared at him. Now Louis was actually worried. It was one thing for Zayn to ignore his comments, but for Liam to completely pass over his remarks was a different story entirely. What was going on with these two?

"Hey Lou...sit down a minute, mate." Liam looked sick. Had they both come down with some crazy Australian flu? That would explain how they were acting. 

"Uh....sorry Li, I just came to grab my phone. A little early for a sit down innit? Just wanted to check it and see if Harry called. Miss him, ya know?"

"Uh...Zayne...a little help here?"

"Just give him the phone Li. We talked about this. We decided it was the best thing to do."

"What are you two getting on about? Give me my phone and you two can get back to whatever mind-altering sex I clearly interrupted. You two are acting strange--even for you." Louis knew something was off--but he couldn't put his finger on it. 

"Are you sure, Z?"

"Bloody hell!" Louis grabbed his phone out of Liam's hand and hit the button to power the screen on. He immediately went to his messages and clicked on Harry's last text. Unlike Harry, Lou didn't make it to the bathroom in time. When Zayne woke him up, he as covered in his own puke and lost. Simply and purely....lost. 


	5. Delivered

It took a while for Louis to fully regain the use of his faculties. He remembered Zayn cleaning him up and Liam helping him to the larger sofa in their living area. He smelled of puke and he really needed to rinse his mouth. But he couldn't be arsed to move. He could hear Zayn and Liam talking in hushed tones from somewhere nearby. Probably about him. They sounded concerned. Really concerned. Definitely about him, then. Louis knew what he had put the two of them through last time. He wouldn't do that again. He finally felt like he was on equal footing with Liam for the first time in maybe ever. Last November it was the two of them who found him holed up in his rented cabin--and it was the two of them who coaxed him through the long process back. He'd drank heavily that month. He'd put on a fair amount of weight and grew his beard out. He looked more like a rich recluse than an actual member of a boy band. As bad as his appearance might have been--his head was much, much worse. So they stayed with him. They talked to him. They fed him something other than whisky and cheese toast. And finally, they listened to him. To all of it--and nobody deserved to be put through that twice. He wouldn't allow it. He knew how much of their own precious time they sacrificed to pull him out of his self-induced depression. And he remembered how awful he was to them early on in that process. But he loved them for it--more than he could ever express out loud--so he wrote. And wrote. It's no surprise that his name was next to nearly every song on the new album. He had way too much shit in his head, and it had to go somewhere. So he put it all in his music. And it paid off. Some very influential and important people in the music industry had even begun praising his writing talent--and considering his current job--that was really quite something. 

So Louis made a choice. Right then and there--with puke down the front of Harry's sweatshirt and the taste of last nights snack sick in his mouth. He wasn't going to break this time. He wasn't going to allow anyone to take care of him again, to sacrifice for him again--no matter what fucked up shit Harry.... Harry. Fuck. FUCK. Louis didn't feel his heart breaking this time. He didn't feel worthless and used and alone. He just felt anger. And it was growing with each passing second. He had to get out of this room, and he had to get out now. He knew if he allowed Liam and Zayn to pry into his mental state they'd freak out. Maybe even call Simon. Hell, that's what he'd do if he were them. But that wasn't going to happen this time. If Harry wanted a partying coke-head asshole to wrap his lips around, then Louis was going to give him one. Delivered first class with a huge fucking bow on it. 

"Sign on the X, bitch," Louis mumbled as he gathered his phone and key card, and walked straight out the door. "Sign on the motherfucking X."


	6. Hands

Harry sat curled up in the oversized chair and thought about the past. Some teacher once told him that reflecting on past events was the key to shaping a happy future. Right now he thought that sounded like total bullshit. The past didn't offer any clues on how to be happy in the future. The past couldn't tell him what to do now--or how to tell Louis what he'd done. Harry just wished he could go back to the bungalow and simply start over. He longed for a clean slate, but deep down he knew that was never going to happen. 

The bungalow felt like a million years ago. They had all shared pieces of themselves--some more than others. Niall and Zayn had maintained aloof facades throughout, but Harry knew that was all an act--they were simply scared to reveal too much just in case the whole One Direction thing didn't work out. Liam wasn't exactly an open book, either, but he did have the group rolling with laughter with his pointed retelling of his "first time." It was a disaster--and funny as hell. Later that night, when it was just he and Louis, Harry shared his. He laughed his way through innocent fumblings and groaned his way through sloppy kisses. He blushed his way through messy hand-jobs and cringed while explaining to Louis about his only blow-job attempt. It didn't go well, and his friend stopped him after a few seconds. His friend never wanted to try, and that was OK with Harry. When it was all over, he thought of their "relationship" as brief--but sweet. Harry loved the way Louis smiled fondly at him as he revealed his most intimate secrets. He looked so proud of him, or something. 

Back then Louis was someone Harry couldn't imagine calling his own. He couldn't even put a name to what he was feeling. If he had to try now, he would have to go with inadequate. Louis was older and more experienced, not to mention strikingly beautiful. So beautiful that it made him uncomfortable. Harry could tell Louis was watering down the details of his own sexual exploits when it was his turn to share, but that was all right with him. Even at the beginning Harry didn't like hearing about anyone else touching Louis. He couldn't put the feeling into words, exactly, but he felt it non the less. 

Harry got lost in the memory of Louis and the dying fire and the whispered confessions. How could he have gone from that innocent wide-eyed kid to this? How did he get here, in this place, dealing with the kind of shit he used to swear only self-centered idiots went through. Harry guessed he was exactly that, now. He never considered himself self-centered, or even an idiot, but maybe he was. What he did last night definitely put him in the same category. How was he ever going to explain this to Louis? 

**************

The only thing that snapped Harry out of his trip down memory lane was his stomach. It had been steadily growling for a few hours and he knew he needed to eat something. Reluctantly, he peeled himself out of his broken-in chair and searched for his belongings. Where the hell was his phone? 

"Fantastic," Harry thought out loud. "Just the cherry on top of a perfect ice-cream sundae day."

Harry figured he left it at Nicks--and that thought made him question whether or not he could possibly eat. Ever. What the hell was he thinking? During the entire three months last year that he and NIck were.... whatever he and Nick were, not one time did Harry bottom for him. Truth be told, Nick never bottomed for him, either. They took care of their needs in other ways, and both were fine with it. Harry had always suspected that Nick was seeing someone on the side, anyway. Nick didn't have the character to go without--nor the patience. So Harry just assumed. As it turned out, it was all for the best though. He and Louis eventually found their way back to one another--and Harry promised he'd never forget where he belonged. What a fucking cliche he was. Rich, closeted pop-star who couldn't stay faithful to the one person that deserved it. Louis was never going to forgive him for this--but Harry decided that he had to try to find a way to make him. He'd done it before. It took time, but he'd done it. He'd proven to everyone that he could be trusted again. 

Harry stepped out of the apartment and locked the door behind him. He walked down to the corner store and called the one person who could help him sort his head. He called Gemma.

*************

Gemma pulled up to the corner store in the blue Range Rover Harry had gifted her. Gemma didn't like it when her younger brother "bought" her stuff, but she didn't mind gifts so long as Harry was sincere in the gift-giving. She took one look at her brother standing on the parking pylon and cringed. He looked a mess. Worse than a mess. She knew that Harry calling her to pick him up meant something unusual was going on, but she didn't think it was anything bad, per se. Harry was the emotional one of the family, and sometimes he needed his big sister to settle him down and help him sort out the crap that came with being famous. More often than not he called her because she was the one normal person who knew him inside and out. He didn't have to hide anything from her, and that comforted him. It allowed him to speak from the heart and tell it straight. He hadn't held details back for Gemma's sake since he was 17, and Gemma was silently glad for his maturity and his honesty. When Harry slid into the passenger seat and dropped his head into her lap, she knew something was very, very wrong. She decided to wait him out--give him some time to sort out his head. And she knew from experience that that could be a lengthy process. About half way to Holmes Chapel Harry sat up and looked at his sister with expectant eyes. She knew he was counting on her to say the right thing, but she had nothing to go on this time. She was completely in the dark. So she mirrored his expectant expression back at him and continued to wait.

"Gemms, please, oh God. Gemma...I...I....Christ." Harry buried his head back into his hands and tried to breathe. This was going to be a lot harder than he thought. And Gemma was going to give him hell when she found out the details. 

"Haz...just breathe babe. It's a long drive. Take your time. I'll be here. Not going anywhere baby brother." Gemma was seriously concerned now. She had never seen Harry like this. The only person she'd ever seen this this tore up was Louis after Harry decided to skip their planned skiing vacation last year--and then ended up in Nick Grimshaw's bed. She never told Harry that she was the one Lou called first searching for, no....begging for... answers. Harry also didn't know that she went to see him before Laim and Zayn even knew where he was. He was one fucked up mess. Fuck. What had happened? 

"I.....I don't know how to, uh....start." 

"From the beginning, dear. Start from the beginning." Gemma's patience and soothing voice helped Harry get his thoughts in order. That, plus the fact that his body was actually warm for the first time in over a day, helped, too. 

"Can we grab food, Gems? I think I need to eat."

"Sure Haz. Whatever you need, hon." Gemma pulled over at the next deli she saw, went in and grabbed some sandwiches and chips and brought them out to Harry. The last thing she wanted was for Harry to get papped looking like he did. Some stupid gossip mongrel would have a field day making up a story with a picture taken of her brother right now. 

After Harry had eaten, he felt like it was time to explain to Gemma why he asked her to drive three hours to come and pick his ass up from the front of a dingy corner store in London. They had about another hour left to go on the trip, and Harry felt like he could explain it all by then. He hoped, anyway. 

"Gems...my life is majorly fucked. I totally fucked everything up. I let everyone down and I don't know if I'll ever be able to make it right."

"Haz...hon...I'm sure you didn't let everyone down. Everyone loves you."

"Not after this they won't. Not after this."

"Not after what, dear?"

"Gems...I...uh...shit. Shit. You know how I went to fashion week, right? It was supposed to be fun. Free clothes and decent press for once and all that. Well, Grimmy was there, and we...uh...we.....went to some of the shows, like...and then to a few of the after parties?"

"Harry, going to few parties is nothing new for you. Did Louis know you were going with Nick though?"

"Oh....fuck. Gems. No, he didn't--I didn't either. It was a surprise, like. He was just there?"

"Honey, I'm sure Louis will understand. It's not like you planned on hanging out with him without telling him, right? I'm sure Louis trusts you. In fact I know he does."

"Gemma...damnit...." Harry couldn't do it. He couldn't get the words out. He couldn't believe that he actually had enough energy to cry, but the tears just spilled out on their own. 

Gemma pulled her Range Rover over, parked it, and stared at her younger brother. 

"What the hell did you do, Harry?"

"I didn't mean to, Gems, I was really fucked up....it was really fucked up. I didn't even..."

"Harry! You didn't mean to? You didn't fucking mean to? You didn't mean to do what, exactly?" Gemma knew where this was going, but she wanted to hear him say it. She wouldn't believe it unless he said it. 

"I fucked up Gemma. I had sex with Nick. We fucked, OK? We did. While my boyfriend was probably lounging on an...an... amazing Australian beach somewhere. We...I did it, Gems. I messed everything the fuck up and I don't know how to fix it.. Gemma...tell me how to fix it. Tell me what to do Gems...please. Oh God, help me. You've got to help me figure all this shit out. You're the only one who knows what it's like to be me, to be under all this pressure all the time and..."

"Stop right the fuck there, Harry. Just stop. Just....oh bloody hell! Give me a minute. Just sit there and say nothing. Not one more word out of you Styles." 

Gemma was furious. But Harry was in pain, and she promised to be there for him. She promised to help him--and that was a promise she planned on keeping. She just couldn't think straight right this second and needed a minute to get a hold of herself before she made things worse. Worse. Bleeding Christ. How could they get any worse? She didn't know. What she did know was that she wasn't going to let Harry use the "I'm under sooooo much pressure" excuse. She always thought that was bullshit, and she always called Harry on his bullshit. She might have to wait a few days this time, but she bloody well was going to do it. 

"Gems...I..."

"Harry," Gemma interrupted. "How could you let this happen? What the fuck were you even thinking? Do you still have feelings for Nick?"

"No! Of course not. We're...we... were...friends. He...he knows me, Gems. He knows I wouldn't do...what I..uh...what we... did. He knows that, and he let it happen anyway. I..."

"Fuck Harry. Stop blaming Nick. You've known Nick long enough, Harry. There are no more freebies, kid." Kid? Where had that come from. She hadn't called Harry that in years. She guessed that right now, in this situation, she called him one because he was acting like one. She didn't want to come off as condescending, but shit. Harry almost lost everything the last time this happened. He'd almost lost Louis in ways that could only be described in nightmares....and he was nowhere around to help pick up the pieces. But he would be this time, by God. This time he would see it up close and personal. He'd be the one to deal with it. She was going to make damn sure of that. She wasn't going to shelter him or keep things from him like she did last time. It was time for her little brother to see what a mess he'd made...and get his pop-star millionaire hands dirty cleaning it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to make Gemma a bad ass. And I'm not sorry for that. :) I hope you liked it. Please leave comments or suggestions if you feel like it :)


	7. Drink

"Where you at Z?"

"We're in here Louis. Come on in. There isn't anything on display you haven't seen before."

"Oh my god...could you two please stop?" Liam still got a little embarrassed whenever Louis and Zayn acted like past lovers. If he didn't know both of them as well as he did, he'd actually worry about it. Liam half expected Louis to show up in sweats. He didn't in a million years expect this. Louis looked absolutely amazing. Worse than that, Louis looked fuckable.

"Get dressed. We're going out!" Louis declared with shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

"Louis, are you drunk?"

"Not yet, Z....not yet. But I plan on remedying that as soon as possible!"

Louis had on a see-through sheer top and blue-almost-black jeans. He never wore jeans anymore--and now Zayn could see why. Nobody in their right mind would pay attention to anyone else in the group if he did. Hell, maybe even anyone else on the planet. He'd never seen Louis look so damn good. Liam gave him a curious glance and Zayn raised his eyebrows at him. 

"See something you like, Z?" Liam teased. 

"Fuck, Lou....what the hell? Why are you dressed so...uh...like that?"

"Like what? Can't I give Sydney a show?" Louis answered whilst he swiveled his hips. And in those jeans the movement looked downright obscene. 

"Are you sure you want to go out like, well...like that?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Louis teased. "I can go out however I damn well please. Now let's go! I need a drink and a cute boy that will pull my hair and call me names!"

"The paps are gonna fucking love this." Zayn mumbled as they walked out the door.

**********

Liam was worried. But he always worried. Zayn gave him a glanced that said, "what could possibly go wrong?" He had no idea.

The cab ride to Erskenville was short, thank god, because Louis couldn't stop bouncing. He was always hyper, but right now he was like a bull in a china cabinet. He was acting like a high school kid on his first Spring Break adventure without adult supervision. Liam decided that he'd keep an eye on him tonight. A close eye. He had no idea what game Louis was playing, and it made it impossible for him to relax and enjoy himself. To be honest, he hadn't expected Louis to come out of his room for at least a week. Instead of depressed Louis, he got party Louis, and right now he really wasn't sure which he'd prefer. It was going to be an interesting night. 

*********

"Showtime!" Louis yelled as he strolled into The Midnight Shift like he owned the place...and with Zayn and Liam in tow. 

"Fuck, I hope we don't get papped," Liam thought out loud. The look on Zayn's face was one of annoyance. 

"We're here Li, and we're on holiday. Let's just say 'fuck it' for one night and have a good time, yeah?"

"Fine. Who wants shots?"

"Me! I do! Sex on the Beach, Li. And order me an Orange Orgasm...whatever the hell that is. That sounds good. And tell the bartender to make it a multiple!"

Liam cringed as he walked to the bar to order the drinks. Their arrival at the bar caused a stir, but not an uproar. It was crowded, but he could literally watch the news of their arrival work its way through the crowd. Liam was used to that, but he wasn't used to it happening in one of the most popular gay bars in town. Liam wasn't naive. He understood that most people on the planet at least suspected that a few members of One Direction might actually be gay. Hell, Harry and Lou had been flaunting themselves around for the past month. But He and Liam were a different thing entirely. Zayn was engaged--and he was engaged to a great girl who understood all of his proclivities and less than straight activities. Liam envied him. He had a less than accommodating girlfriend who didn't quite understand what exactly the deal was. She knew he and Zayn were good friends, and that they ended up comfort cuddling on the tour bus, but that was about it. And he didn't have the energy or the desire to explain it to her. This could end badly for him, but as he carried the drinks back--Lou's triple orgasm included (on the house, of course)--he couldn't keep his eyes off his gorgeous boyfriend's ass. For once in his life, Liam decided he was going to enjoy watching Louis make a spectacle of himself. And he was damn sure going to enjoy dancing with the hottest man in the place. Louis, in his mind, had nothing on Zayn Malik. 

"Finally. What does a bitch have to do to swallow an orgasm around here?" Louis joked.

"Ask, and you shall receive....say ahhhh lads!" Liam handed out the drinks, laughing at his own wittiness and noticing as Zayn swiped a quick tongue across his bottom lip. Yep. He was definitely going to make a spectacle out of himself tonight. Paps be damned. He didn't like his girlfriend's personality that much anyway. And he liked it even less in bed. Liam smirked to himself as he sorted out two shots for each of them plus the triple orange orgasm for Louis. He silently hoped Louis would forget they weren't real and not go off in search of more authentic ones later. But he had his doubts. He'd heard more than a few rumors about Louis before he "settled down." He believed about half of them--but even those were quite sufficient to earn Louis the label of best fuck on the planet. And Harry was never one to miss a chance to compliment is boyfriends mouth. Christ--was it too early to grab Zayn and head to the loo? Probably.

"Bottoms up!" Zayn yelled, nodding his head and then throwing it back to let the cold liquid slide down his throat.

"Most definitely!" Louis groaned out before doing exactly the same.

Liam drank his down like a normal person--he never was one for swallowing--but tonight he might make an exception, since he was operating in 'fuck it' mode. Let the show being, indeed.

*******************


	8. Deposit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgin smut writer. Be gentle...lol......leave feedback if you want :)

The dance floor was hot and crowded, and after an hour of grinding against Zayn, Liam had other things on his mind. Like his boyfriend's mouth. Zayn knew Liam was growing impatient, so after another round of shots, he turned and finally let him off the hook.

"Li?"

"Yup." 

Zayn grabbed his boyfriend's wrist and tugged him through the mass of club-goers and towards the VIP bathroom. This particular bathroom at this particular club actually charged a fee. $20 bucks, to be exact--and it was worth it. A cute blonde co-ed took their money and their phones. No Recording Devices Allowed! the framed sign read. Apparently VIP customers valued their privacy. Liam silently thanked Louis for his great choice of venue and walked in to take a quick look around. 

"Counter?"

"Stall. Now."

Within seconds, Zayn was pushing Liam past the counter and into a private stall. With the door locked behind him, he pressed himself up against Liam's strong back and licked a thick, wet line up his neck. 

"Fuck, Z. Please...soft, just..."

Zayn's hands cut him off. He reached underneath Liam's shirt and grazed his fingertips along the contour of his abs, pausing every so often to push harder on each rib, until he reached his boy's nipples. After two years together, Zayn knew exactly what Liam liked. He liked it gentle, and he liked it sweet. Zayn never thought he'd be into that--but Liam was so responsive that Zayn had learned to appreciate the slow process of getting him off. 

Zayn placed both of his warm hands over Li's nipples, heating them up. Liam liked this game. Heat, then wet...then cold. The contrasting sensations always went straight to his cock. Zayn pushed on his hips to turn him around and pulled his shirt up and over his head, but not off his body. He liked trapping Liam's arms and hands, but he rarely got to do so. This was one way that Zayn had learned he could secretly dominate Liam--without him really knowing what was going on. Liam saw it as a playful gesture, but Zayn saw it as so much more. It fulfilled something dark inside him--some primal curiosity that he really wanted to explore. But with Liam, these things were complicated...and he respected his boundaries. 

"Suck me off....Z....?"

"Of course, babe. How do you want it, Li? Hmmmm? Tell me."

Liam groaned. He wasn't good at verbalizing during sex. He always tried, but it just came out wrong. 

"Take my shirt off, Z..."

"No...I'm going to leave it like that. I want you still for me."

"But I want to touch you."

"Not yet. I want you to concentrate on me. And let me hear you, Li. Don't hold back."

Zayn shoved Liam up against the stall door with more force than he'd usually use. He felt Liam tense up, and that definitely wasn't the response he wanted from him right now. So Instead of dropping to his knees, he cupped Liam's face and brought his mouth to his. He let Liam control the kiss--he knew Liam needed that right now, even if all he wanted to do was fuck him up. He usually hid his agression better than that--but the alcohol running through his system was blurring the lines of his self-control.

"Shirt...then...please....your mouth, Z. I want your mouth."

Zayn slid his hands down Liam's body and undid his pants, slowly pulling them half way down his thighs before doing the same with his briefs. 

"Z? What?..."

Zayn kicked Liam's legs as far apart as they could go with his pants where they were, and maneuvered his upper body back into the door. He wondered if Liam was going to allow it, but then decided he didn't care.

Zayn leaned forward and placed his mouth right next to Laim's ear.

"Now....what do you want me to do with my mouth," Zayn whispered, "You want me to start with my tongue? Hmmmm? Or maybe use my hand first? Zayn used his thumb nails to graze across Liam's nipples to get his point across. "Tell me...do you want me to tease you or just swallow you down? You want me to play nice or gag on it? Come on, babe...tell me how you want it."

"God, Z...uh...tongue? Please?"

"Always so polite." Zayn put his hands on tops of Liam's bare thighs and took a minute to appreciate Liam's cock. It really was beautiful. He was in love with it, actually. It was long and thick and fucking leaking. He really wished Liam would fuck his mouth--but that wasn't in Li's nature. 

Zayn licked a wet strip up the length of Liam's cock...slicking it up. He loved this part. Liam wasn't using his words, but he was moaning loud enough for the other people in the room to hear. And that did things for Zayn. 

"Tongue, huh? Moaning from just my tongue? Isn't that what you asked for, Li? Want me to trace every line of your cock with my tongue? Is that it?"

"Yeah..fuck, please..."

So Zayn did just that. The tip of his skilled tongue traced every vein and curve. He wanted Liam a whimpering mess even before he used his mouth. Moans weren't good enough tonight. He wanted Liam to whimper. Out loud. So he took his time. 

************

"Oh my fucking god, ....Z..." Zayn had never been this focused while sucking him off before. Liam knew that for sure. And why wouldn't he let him take off his shirt? And what was up with the way he wanted him--all---restrained? Christ. It was so different. Everything inside of him wanted to argue against it, use his strength to remedy it, to fix it. But Zayn's tongue was so fucking talented--and he couldn't make himself move. 

"Please, Z...mouth....use your mouth."

"Oh, you want my mouth now.....and how, pray tell, do you want me to use....:

"Swallow me down, Z. Just fucking do it. Take. It. Down."

"Fucking finally." 

Liam finally used his voice--and it only took three little words to shake Zayn to the core. So he didn't hold back. He knew he had skills--and he wasn't afraid to use every single last one of them. He shifted up onto the balls of his feet and changed his angle. He spent a few seconds with his mouth hanging open over the head of Liam's cock, letting hot breath ghost over he tip. But he didn't move. He waited. 

"Z.....Z......fuck, Z...."

And that's when Zayn got what he wanted. Li whimpered loudly and started thrusting into his wet mouth. Instead of allowing it, Zayn used every ounce of self-control he could muster, pulled his head back, and stood up.

"Li," Zayn coaxed, "I'll take your shirt off if you grab my hair and fuck my mouth. Will you do that for me baby? Will you hold me still and use my throat? I promise I'll be so good for you, Li...just..."

"Fuck. Yeah...Z.....just..yeah.." 

Zayn practically ripped his boyfriends shirt off. Once Liam's hands were free, he did exactly what he said he would. He actually threw Zayn up against the stall wall, twisted his hands into his gelled up hair, and shoved his dick down his boyfriend's throat. The thrusts were rough and unpracticed, but Zayn wanted it that way....He'd wanted it that way for a very, very long time, and now Liam was finally giving it to him. 

"Now let me hear YOU, Z."

And Zayn lost it. He couldn't even remember the last time he came in his own pants--but it was happening and it felt fucking fabulous. A few seconds later, Liam did the same--only it wasn't in his shorts. It was straight down Zayn's open throat and then across his bottom lip. The exact same bottom lip he'd licked on purpose earlier in the club, secretly hoping that Liam would get the hint. "Fuck. I don't even know....Z....uh...was that?"

"Don't even know....huh? Well you should know. That was brilliant---fucking brilliant."

"Brilliant. Ok...maybe we could, uh....do it like that again?"

"Sure, Li. Anytime."

"How about every time, then?" Liam countered with a cautious yet surprisingly curious look on his face. 

Even though Zayn knew it was impossible, he felt himself start to swell up all over again. Amazing. What the hell was he going to do with this brilliant, gorgeous man? He wasn't sure if Li would let him, but he had many, many ideas.

***********

Zayn ripped off his come-soaked boxers. Yep, it looked like he was free-ballin' it for the rest of the night. And after Liam had managed to pull himself together, Zayn rested his head on Liam's chest and took a minute to get his mind back. 

"I suppose we should go find Louis, then?" Liam mumbled.

 

"Ohhhhhhhhhh fucking fuck! Yeah bitch....don't you fucking move....don't you do it! If I wanted you to move I wouldn't have tied you to the table, mate!"

"Found him." 

Liam and Zayn exchanged 'I fucking knew it' looks and walked out of the stall. If he'd been any more sober, even Zayn would have blushed at the sight before him. 

Apparently, Louis had found his cute boy. But this boy wasn't going to be calling Louis any names--and how could he--with Louis' leopard printed boxers stuffed in his mouth? It was quite a sight, actually. Even the door girl was watching--and Zayn could only imagine what she saw on a nightly basis. How he did it, Zayn had no idea, but Louis had managed to use his own belt to strap down a very cute, very buff blonde to the bathroom "condiment" table--and was currently riding said lad with a gusto that would put a porn star to shame. Louis never stopped what he was doing, even as Liam cleared his throat to make their presence known.

'Howdy, mates. Welcome to My Private Rodeo!" 

Zayn couldn't keep himself from laughing. That had been a running joke ever since Harry got on a Keanu Reeves kick and made them all watch My Private Idaho on a bus ride through the actually state OF Idaho. At least Louis was taking safety precautions during the main event. 

"Uhm...want us to come back later then, mate?"

"No need. I'm about done with me steed!" And with that Louis swiveled his hips a few more times and released. Afterward, Louis' riding partner was covered in cum--from his belly button to his neck. 

"Impressive..." mumbled the blonde money-taker. And it was Liam's turn to double over with laughter.

"Well, then, ...uh...Tank....I think I'm gonna mosey on out of here....good luck with my belt...uh, yeah..you can keep that....maybe the door girl will untie you if you ask nicely? Thanks, parder!"

"Tank? His name is fucking Tank?"

"Yup."

Liam leaned over to get a good look at Tank--and Tank wasn't all that impressive in the size department.

"Looks more like a Frank to me," Liam explained.

"Felt like a Frank, actually...." Louis provided. He'd managed to get himself dressed.

"Well, Zayn added....at least you don't have to go home and Wank."

"True, Z. Very, very true. Let's go, mates." 

And with that, they left. The door girl actually hi-fived Louis on the way out the door and wished them a good night. Amazing. Louis jumped the cab line, of course--flipping off the long line of waiting people in the process. 

"You know," he said, after throwing some money at the cab driver to get him to shut the fuck up about fairness, "After the deposit I just left on that guys chest, he should probably change his name to Bank."

After they got their breath back, Liam couldn't hold back making at least one comment.

"Fuck Louis....do you have to be so...nasty?"

"Nasty? You call ME nasty? Well, apparently you two didn't hear the party that was going on in one of those stalls, then. Sounded like some guy was getting his throat right pounded, mate! Helped me right the fuck along, I can tell you that much!"

Zayn had never laughed harder in his fucking life.


	9. Panties

Harry woke up confused, yet again. He must have dozed off. Gemma was still driving, but his internal clock told him they should have been home by now. 

"Gems...are we close?"

"Yes, Harry. In fact, we're here."

Harry looked out the window and smirked. He fucking knew it. 

"Gemma, you can't expect me to go in there by myself, you know how I...uh...get."

"Well you're just going to have to put on your big boy panties and figure it out, then."

"Right. Sure. No problem."

"I didn't think so. Now, don't get mad, but Paul is already here, and he has clothes and toiletries for you. He's arranged for you to use the concierge lounge so that you can clean up, eat, and get a little sleep. I took care of the tickets, Harry. Paul's already picked them up. You're flight's in four hours, but I thought it would be best if you came now...nobody's here yet, ya know?" 

"Paul? Gems, come on! He's so....."

".....strict? Gemma cut in, "Exactly, little brother. And that's exactly what you need right now. Now get your ass out of my brilliant automobile and go and take care of your shit."

"Fine. And Gems.....I....uh...thank you?"

"Don't thank me yet....you still have to deal with Paul. He got called off his fishing trip for your stupid ass. Enjoy!"

"Brilliant. Love you, too."

"Don't be ridiculous. Now go and sort yourself out. Call me whenever--and don't worry about the time difference. I'm here for you--and I have a feeling you're going to need me."

Gemma said that last part more to herself, than to Harry. She'd already seen pap pictures of what Louis was up to just 11 hours ago, and she had a pretty good idea that her brother was going to have his hands full. 

**********

"Well....come on then." 

"Hi to you, too, Paul."

"Fuck right off, Harry."

"Nice to see you, too, Paul."

"Shut the fuck up, Harry."

It was going to be a long four hours.

Harry showered, ate, and got a couple hours of sleep before Paul barked at him to wake up--at least he shoved a cup of tea at him. Harry grabbed it and took a much needed drink. No lemon. Fucking Paul. He thought about complaining, but the look on his body guard's face let him know it was the last thing he should do right about now. So instead of running his mouth, he gathered his belongings and, with Paul by his side, walked to the gate. 

"Flight 104 to Sydney now boarding all first class passengers. First class passengers only at this time, please. Welcome aboard."

"Let's go, then, Paul. I want to go back to sleep."

"Oh no, it's not your turn yet heart-throb."

"What the hell, Paul? Are you getting even more deaf in your old age? They just called first class."

"Might want to check your ticket there, princess. Have a nice fucking flight." And with that, Paul handed his ticket to the lady and disappeared down the ramp with the other first class passengers. Stunned, Harry quickly pulled out his own ticket and almost cried right there in the middle of the terminal. Fucking Economy? 

Gemma 1, Harry 0.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had too much fun with this. :O Hope you liked it. Comments/Suggestions welcomed.


	10. Home

Harry finally made his way down the ramp to board his flight. Economy. Right. His long legs could barely fit in a car comfortably, how was he possibly going to do this? He had no idea. As he passed first class on his way to the back, Paul winked at him and then pretended to doze off. He already had a pillow and a drink. Fucker. At least the flight was half empty. On his way to his seat, he noticed that very few people had anyone next to them, and it turned out he wouldn't either. At least he could stretch out, then. It only took about fifteen minutes into the 12 hour flight for Harry to realize he had no phone, no music, and nothing to read. He flipped the arm rests up, stole pillows and blankets from the empty seats, and tried to make himself comfortable enough to sleep--but his mind had other ideas. Guilt was back--and he was one angry bitch. 

***************

"Oh my God, Harry. Would you please calm down?"

"Lou....there's going to be like 30 people here! Do you think we have enough food? What if we run out? And drinks! Did you pick up the wine? Cups? Do we have enough cups?"

"Harry...relax..."

"There's no time! I've got way too much to do. You know, you could go and straighten up the living room, Lou. Did you go and get the extra chairs from Nialls? He said we could borrow them, remember? Did we do that?"

"Harold! Come here this instant!"

Harry blinked himself back to reality and took a breath for the first time all day. He walked over to his boyfriend and practically fell into his arms. 

"There ya go, hon. I promise you, Harry, everything is ready for the party. Now what do you say we open a bottle of that fancy wine I remembered to pick up and sit down and chill a bit, OK?"

"Yeah...that sounds alright. Let's do that. Sorry, babe. I just want everything to be perfect."

"Perfection is an unobtainable goal, Harry....you know that, right?"

"Whatever you say, Lou," Harry answered with a not-yet award winning smile, "Whatever you say."

Lou poured them both a glass of wine, put on some decidedly non party music, and led Harry over to the dining room table. 

"Sit."

After a few sips of wine and more than a few minutes of quiet, Harry began to relax. He loved that Louis could do this to him. Other than his mum, Louis was the only person on the planet who could get him out of "go mode" so that he could stop and enjoy himself. Louis was the absolute best decision he had ever made in his life--he knew that for certain. He was honest with him and did a lot more around the flat that anyone gave him credit for. He shopped, and believe it or not, he did his fair share of the cleaning. He'd learned to do whites, even. Harry refused to let him touch colors, though. He'd learned that lesson the hard way. Pink Jack Willis sweatshirts were definitely not in style.

"What are you smiling at, Harry?"

"You."

"Cheesy," Louis snorted, but it was an affectionate snort. After living together for close to a year, he knew that Harry could read him. A part of him was still uncomfortable with exactly how well. 

"You know what, Lou?"

"What, H?"

"This is going to be our last night here."

"Hmm. I guess you're right about that. I'm going to miss this place."

"Me, too. Lots of memories here, ya know?"

"Yeah, I suppose there are. Good ones, though...right?"

"Brilliant ones, actually." 

Harry wasn't lying. Brilliant ones, indeed. They'd shared many things inside the walls of their homey flat. Their first real kiss was here. They'd kissed many times before--but the first one they shared in this apartment meant something entirely different than the playful ones they'd shared at x-factor house or on that silly tour. It wasn't rushed, it wasn't superficial, and it wasn't a release of nervous energy after a good performance. It was filled with intent. They'd been official "boyfriends" more for Harry's sake. He liked labels and rules, so shortly after x-factor house, Louis allowed the description. The description didn't scare Louis near as much as that kiss did. 

He recognized the look of longing on Harry's face when they had finally pulled their mouths apart. But Louis promised himself he wasn't going to manipulate sex out of Harry like he'd done with some of his past boyfriends. Louis was fully aware that he could, but he didn't want to. Well, he did, of course, but not like that. What scared him the most was that he was completely aware of why he felt that way. He knew exactly where the hesitation was coming from. He was in love. He questioned the emotion for many months, trying to find excuses why it wasn't true. He put himself to the test a few times by allowing possible sexual encounters at clubs, but he could never go through with any of them. It was Harry, now, and that was it. He knew it with his body and his heart. And even though he made sure to show Harry how much he loved him each and every day, he'd never said the actual words. He'd never found the perfect way to tell Harry. 

"What'cha thinking 'bout, Lou?"

Harry's words snapped him back to the small kitchen table.

"You, actually."

"Cheesy," Harry grinned, "But in a good way. Come on...help me do one last check before everyone gets here and destroys the place." 

*********************

Harry's back was killing him, and he was only half way through the first leg of his flight. He stood up and stretched for a bit, grabbed some juice and an orange off the cart and decided he needed to make a trip to the loo. When he got back, there was a small bag left on his seat. He opened it and felt the overwhelming desire to cry right then and there. Inside the bag was a new phone, the cheap purple iPod his sister used when she worked out, and some drink tickets. A small handwritten note was thrown on top. "Thought you might like these. Gemma said not to give you anything until after Singapore, but I figure you'd suffered enough by now. Love ya kiddo--hope you know that. Now get some rest. --Paul." With watery eyes, Harry laid back down and put the headphones in his ears. It was Gemma's playlist, but her taste in music was better than his own, so he didn't mind. Maybe he'd finally be able to zone out and get some actual sleep.

*********************

Harry tried to doze off, but his mind wandered back to party he was thinking about earlier. By all accounts, it was a success. Zayn had lost a bet and ended up wearing eye liner and mascara half the night, much to Liam's great displeasure. If only he knew what was about to happen, Harry thought fondly. Niall and their new drummer had disappeared about half way in--and nobody knew where they'd gotten off to. The rest of the guests drank and partied with Heffner-like intensity. At some point during the night, a very polite game of charades morphed into a dirty game of half-naked twister. Fucking Louis. And people thought he was the one who couldn't keep his clothes on. By the time everyone had gone home or wandered back to their own apartments (Liam with Zayn in tow), Harry was surprisingly sober. He found Louis in the kitchen, cleaning up a game of Drink! Drank! Drunk! It had clearly gotten messy. 

"Louis? What are you doing? Leave that till morning. I've hired people to come help." 

"Thoughtful. Good on you." 

Louis stopped what he was doing and looked up at Harry--and he stopped breathing. He literally could not take a breath. He forced himself over to the sink and started to wash his hands, just so he could get himself under control.

"Lou....what are you doing? Let's go shower, yeah? 

"Shower?"

"Yeah, Lou...and...uh...together maybe? Could we shower together?"

"H? What? We don't....uh.."

"Well maybe we should, then...." Harry peeled his shirt up and off his body, tossing it to the floor as he walked off towards Louis' bedroom. It took a few seconds for Louis' brain to catch up to what was happening, but after it did, he practically ran after his boyfriend. 

"Harry...hold on a minute, please..."

"Don't want to Lou....not anymore....no more waiting. Now get your kit off and get in this shower with me Lou......Louis?" Much to his dismay, Louis wasn't following his directions very well at all. 

"Harry...just....fuck. Come here and sit with me a minute, yeah?"

"You don't want to? It's fine, Lou....I.....we......uh.....don't......you really don't want to?"

"H, just listen a minute, alright?"

Harry went over and sat next to Louis on the bed. He was really confused--and frustrated. He'd never wanted Louis more in his entire life--but Louis was putting the breaks on, as usual. 

"Louis, if you don't want me, just tell me. I can handle it. I'll be OK. I just want to be with you--want to share everything with you. I can't understand what you're waiting on. Don't you want to?"

"Harry....just listen...Of course I want to. I'm in love with you....I love you. I mean it. I am completely, one hundred percent In love with you." Louis cringed at his lack of eloquence. He'd planned on that coming out much more smoothly--probably over some fancy desert or something like that. Not like this. 

"I already know that, Louis. Just because you haven't been able to say it out loud doesn't mean I didn't know. I know you. And I'm in love with you, too, by the way. But I'm sure you've known that for months already."

"Yeah....Yeah, I have."

"So," Harry groaned out, "Louis William Tomlinson, get naked and come get in the shower with your very ready boyfriend. And I do mean ready."

"Ready?"

"So ready."

And that was all it took. As rushed as getting their clothes off each other was, once they stepped into the hot shower, everything slowed down. Louis wanted to remember every single detail--and so did Harry. Harry'd never washed his boyfriend before, so he took his time. By the time they were both clean and toweled off, Harry was so, so hard. Harder than he'd ever been in his life. And Louis was right there with him. The sun had started to filter in through Louis' small bedroom window, giving the room the perfect amount of light. As they stood at the front of Louis' bed--staring at each other for god only knows how long--Louis made a promise. 

"Harry....I want to tell you something. Listen, OK? I want you to know that this is important to me. I've wanted you since the first time I saw you, but you were too important for just sex. I wanted to be sure that I was in love with you, first. I wanted to be able to give you everything. I had to be sure....and that's why I've taken things so slowly with you. This isn't about sex, and this isn't about me. I need you to understand that. This is about us. This is our first morning of forever."

Harry closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around his boyfriends smaller waist and gently rubbed his lower back. His flicked his newly washed curls out of his face and held eye contact with the emotional man that stood before him.

"I love you, Lou. To our first morning of forever, then." 

"Forever," Louis echoed. 

*******************

Louis never knew he could be so patient in the bedroom--but Harry needed and deserved just that. He was untouched, but asking for everything. And Louis had every intention of giving Harry exactly what he'd asked for. 

"Lou....what do you need from me....I...uh..."

"Relax, Hazzah, " Louis cooed as he gently rubbed Harry's hand with his, "I've got you, Love."

Louis laid his boyfriend out on the bed and slowly climbed on top of him, placing his elbows up by his head. Pushing down with enough force to ensure just the right amount of friction, he began moving his hips and small circles. The whine that Harry made at the contact only solidified Louis' choice. Harry couldn't break eye contact with Louis even if he tried--he was too was overwhelmed. Louis brought their lips together for a few minutes, and then began working his way down his boyfriend's body. By the time his tongue found Harry's nipple, Harry was grinding back up into him. And by the time his teeth found Harry's hip bone, Harry was shaking. And by the time is mouth found the head of Harry's cock, Harry was begging. 

"More, Lou....please....just....oh my God....more..."

Louis made no reply as he swallowed Harry down inch by inch, taking his time, and letting his fingers wander. He was concerned about how Harry was going to react to this part.. He knew that thinking about this and actually doing it were two very different things---and there was no way to predict how you were going to feel when it actually happened.

With more purpose, Louis guided his fingers over Harry's swells and further down. He looked up at Harry, not sure what to expect. Harry's eyes were closed and his mouth was in that pretty little o shape he loved so much--so he continued. 

"Haz....lift up for me baby. I'm going to put this pillow under you, yeah?"

Harry didn't say a word, but lifted his hips up to allow for what Louis had asked.

"You with me, Love?" Louis asked after arranging the pillow under Harry.

"Yeah, Lou...just...yeah....keep going. I'm good.." 

"Tell me if you need me to slow down, Haz. This is about us. The both of us."

"I trust you, Lou. Please...just....keep going. I'll tell you....I promise."

Louis noticed that Harry had closed his legs, so he placed his hands on each of Harry's knees and rubbed down to his calves. 

"Need you to open up for me, Love." He cautiously lifted one of Harry's legs and placed it where he wanted it, and then waited for Harry to do the same with the other. He wanted to make sure Harry was on board every step of the way. Harry opened his eyes and looked down at Louis as he moved his other leg out--extending his foot to about the same place Louis had moved his other one.

Louis could hardly control himself--Harry looked so so good spread out for him. So he placed a tentative kiss to the inside of Harry's thigh, waiting for a response. 

"Oh my God, Lou. That feels so good...do it again."

And Louis did. But while he was distracting Harry with his kisses, he took the opportunity to reach under the bed for his lube. Louis poured a decent amount into his palm and took a breath. He didn't want to distract Harry from his current state of mind, so he held it in his palm, letting it warm up. He sat back on his heels and rubbed the warmed-up slick across two fingers. After spreading it thoroughly, he realized Harry had once again opened his eyes and was watching him. 

"Just getting everything ready, Love. You still with me?"

"Yeah...just....Lou?" Louis could see the doubt of inexperience on Harry's face. And it was so, so beautiful. 

"I know, Harry....but don't worry. I'm right here with you. I promise. Just stay as relaxed as you can and trust me with the rest."

Harry laid his head back down and released his lower half into the pillow. 

"There ya go, Love. You're so beautiful, Harry."

Louis watched as a smile crept across his boyfriends face, and he knew it was time. Without taking his eyes off Harry, Louis brought his finger up to Harry's rim, and moved it in small circles to wet the area, and to let Harry get used to being touched. After a while, he slowly pushed in. Harry had set his jaw, but he hadn't tensed up on the pillow, so Louis began moving his finger in circles--starting the slow process of stretching. A few minutes later, he placed a second finger beside the first.

"H?"

"Yeah. Absolutely, yeah."

The stretch of two fingers caused Harry to tense up for the first time--so Louis sat up on his heels and used his free hand to rub Harry's hip. But he didn't stop. Some pain was part of it, and even though Harry was inexperienced, it was something he needed to feel--and come to his own understanding about how to deal with. Louis knew it wasn't something he could explain to Harry--it was a deeply personal realization. So he went slow and gave Harry time to wrap his mind around it. And when Harry finally started working his hips down onto his fingers, Louis knew he'd sorted it out. 

With less hesitation, Louis began opening Harry up. Even though his boyfriend tensed up the first few times Louis spread his fingers wide, he kept going. And when he felt the grooved bump inside of Harry, he couldn't hold back a smile. The first time he gentle grazed the tips of his fingers across the bump, Harry moaned. The second time he pushed across it, Harry whimpered. The third time he pressed down and drug his fingers into and over it, Harry gasped. 

"Lou?"

"Hmm...feel good Love?"

"So good, Lou. So good."

Louis continued the process and thought about adding a third finger, but decided not to. It wasn't that he wanted to cause Harry any pain, but he knew from the way Harry was reacting to his touch, that it was time.

"H?" Louis questioned quietly as gently removed his fingers from his boyfriend. 

Harry opened his eyes to watch as Louis ran his hands down his thighs and spread them open a little more. 

"Yeah, Lou. Love you."

Louis nodded and leaned up and kissed his boyfriend softly on the lips as he reached for the slick again. He made sure he gave himself an ample coat before he continued. He realized that he should probably ask Harry to turn over--that it would be more comfortable for him that way, but he wanted to see. He wanted to watch Harry's face every single second--he didn't want to miss anything. Louis sat back on his heels, placed Harry's thighs over his own, and lined himself up. With one last reassuring rub over Harry's lower stomach, he pressed against his boyfriend. When Harry didn't tense up, he lifted the backs of his thighs up off his heels, changed the angle, and pushed. 

"Lou....Louis?"

"I know, love. I'll stay still for a bit now....just focus on letting me inside, Hazzah."

After a while, Harry relaxed a bit and Louis pushed forward again. Harry's eyes never left his face--and Louis was so, so grateful for that. By the time he was fully inside, they both had tear stains on their cheeks. Slowly, Louis began to rock himself in and out of Harry. He could tell Harry was as overwhelmed physically as he was emotionally, so he was careful. When Louis was close, he wrapped his hand around Harry and brought him off first. He wanted this to last all night, but Harry's needs were more important than his own right now. So he gently pulled himself out, leaned over Harry and released right where Harry had done the same just a minute before.

*************************

"Lou?" Harry asked after Louis had cleaned them up and pulled the duvet over them both.

"Hmmmm?"

"I'm glad we waited so long. And I'm glad we were both in love with each other before it happened."

"Me, too, Hazzah Bear. Forever, then?"

"Forever," Harry promised.

Louis thought that perfection was unobtainable, but right now Harry was absolutely sure he was wrong. This night was as close to perfection as he thought he was ever going to see. Harry wrapped himself around his boyfriend and slept more soundly than he ever had before.

 

*********************

 

"Attention passengers. This is the captain speaking. We will be arriving in Singapore on time. I'll have you at the gate in approximately fifteen minutes. Thank you for flying with us. For those of you traveling on to Sydney, just relax. This is the bird that will take you the rest of the way there. For those of you debarking in Singapore, welcome home."

Home. Right. Harry was nowhere near home--but he was going to make sure that he found his way back there--and with Louis right by his side. It wouldn't be home any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flight from London to Sydney takes around 22 hours 50 minutes total. The first leg of the flight lands in Singapore after about twelve hours. The second leg to Sydney takes an additional eleven hours. That's a LOT of time to think. Could you imagine spending all that time in an Economy seat? This might be the meanest thing I've ever written :)
> 
> As always, comments/suggestions are welcomed. 
> 
> Also, I was thinking I need to tag this better. Can anyone help me with that? Ciao.


	11. Report

When the plane finally landed in Sydney, Harry was exhausted to the bone. He'd gotten very little sleep on the twenty two plus hour flight--and eaten less than he should have. Economy has it's perks, Harry thought to himself. All in all, it could have been worse--at least he got to stretch out--and Gemma's iPod helped, too. As he gathered his meager belongings, he noticed an uneaten orange next to the bag his gifts from Paul had come in earlier, and started to peel it as he made his way off the plane. Paul was waiting for him once he exited the gate. 

"Got a car for us, Harry. You get any sleep back on the plane?"

"Uh...no, not much, really. Got a lot on my mind, ya know?" Harry was cautious with his words. He wasn't sure how much Paul knew about why he'd been called off his fishing trip--and he wasn't sure how much he wanted him to know. Paul had always been a straight-shooter with Harry. He told him the truth and didn't pull punches. Truth be told, he'd probably be dead--if not mentally disabled--if it weren't for his strict body guard. Harry knew that deep down. Paul always had his best interests at heart, and Harry trusted him. 

"Uh....Paul? Can we, uh..you know...talk?"

"Bout what?"

"Never mind. Forget I asked. Sorry....just got a ton of shit going through my head right now, and none of it makes any sense, really."

"Doesn't make sense, huh? Seems pretty simple to me. But maybe we should wait until we get you into the car before we have our talk." True to form, Paul was looking out for him. 

"Yeah..guess your'e right. It's dead in here, though."

"Sure is. But your legions of doom have hacked airport security cameras before, so."

"True enough." Privacy had a cost--and it took the toll whether you wanted to pay it or not. Harry had learned that over the past three years--sometimes quite painfully. They all had, really. It's funny--they all desperately wanted to be famous, but Liam's forearm tattoo was absolutely correct. They all felt it now--and sometimes each of them privately wondered when it would be time to get off the ride. It wasn't as scary a thought as it had been early on. And if Harry was honest with himself, he was actually looking forward to it. To a life of peace and Louis? Was that even still possible? God, he needed a plan. A fucking brilliant plan. And if anyone was good at coming up with a plan, it was Paul. It was worth a shot, Harry decided. 

*************

The sun was just coming up as Paul ushered Harry into the front seat of the rented Land Rover. Usually, he'd ride in the back, but he guessed Paul wasn't very worried about the ride to the hotel. It was early morning, not much traffic, and even fewer people on foot. He should be able to get to the hotel without a photographer shoving a camera in his face--at least he hoped so. Harry watched as Paul paused in front of the rented automobile and took a phone call. And he watched as Paul's face shifted from peaceful and contemplative to uptight and concentrated. He continued to watch as Paul paced back and forth in front of the car, finally ended the call, and walked to the driver side door. Instead of getting in, he leaned his back up against the door and let out a long list of expletives that Harry rarely heard him use. Paul was usually in complete control of his emotions. Finally, hel turned around, opened the door, climbed in and started the Land Rover. 

"Paul?"

"Fuck, Harry. We, uh....we have to make a stop."

"A stop? Where?"

"North Sydney Police Station."

"Police station? What the fuck for, Paul?"

"Looks like your partner princesses in crime had a little too much fun last night."

No plan then. Harry was going to have to wing it. 

 

********************************

 

The North Sydney Police Station was a clean and respectable-type place. It took some convincing, but ultimately Paul had allowed Harry to go in with him. They entered from the underground garage, so there really was no threat. It took them a minute to navigate the long, narrow hallways, but they eventually found the right room. Harry took a seat on a wooden bench and watched as Paul approached the desk and spoke to the clerk. After a few minutes, he walked over and took a seat next to his charge. 

"They're bringing Liam and Zayn up now. No charges will be filed on them. The paperwork is almost processed and then they'll be free to go."

"What about Louis?"

"He said he'd get back to me. The attorney in charge is still not sure about what will happen." 

"What do you mean...still not sure....what the hell did he do?"

"Wouldn't say...I was hoping Liam would be able to tell us what happened."

Harry and Paul waited for more than hour before Zayn and Liam emerged from behind the sliding metal door. They looked like hell and reeked of piss and puke. Zayn had a small cut on the corner of his mouth and LIam had scratches and bruises covering his arms and right cheek. 

"What the hell is he doing here?" Zayn asked Paul, but looking directly at Harry.

"Z, don't."

"Fuck, Liam, don't tell me what to do. He shouldn't be here."

"Well, I am here, so could someone kindly tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"What's going on? Hey Liam, Harry here wants to know what's going on. Should I tell him, or do you want to do the honors? Maybe you should, Li. I don't think I could make it through it without beating the shit out of him."

"Zayn, what the hell? Where's Louis?"

"Shut the fuck up and get the fuck out of my way. Where's the car, Paul? I'm ready to get the hell out of this place. Liam?"

Liam usually had a soft spot for Harry--one that Harry had used, on occasion, to get information out of him--or at least the last piece of bacon at the morning buffet. But the softness that Liam usually held in his eyes for him was gone. He didn't look at him like the youngest that needed protection. He was looking at him like he was just a run-of-the-mill asshole that he'd known for less than a minute. 

"I'm going to take them down, Harry. Management has sent another car, but I'm not going to let them out of my sight. You sit down and wait for news on Louis." Paul looked more afraid of taking them down to the car than leaving Harry--and that was very unusual behavior for his bodyguard. So Harry sat.

 

***********************************

 

"So which one of you is going to explain to me what the actual fuck is going on, then?" Paul finally asked once they'd gotten down to the garage. Zayn had leaned up against the car and lit a cigarette--and inhaled deeply. 

Zayn looked over and nodded at Liam. Clearly, he wasn't in a talking mood. 

"Well, the short version is...uh....well....see...there are some things going on, and....uh..."

"Oh for crying out loud. I'm here because of Gemma. I know what's going on. Harry and Grimshaw fucked, somehow Louis found out about it, and then?"

"Wait. What? They had sex? Christ. Louis only thinks Harry blew him in the back of some car...at least that was the picture that Harry...or whoever...sent to Louis. They actually had sex? Oh my God."

"Picture? What picture? Harry doesn't know about any picture. In fact, I had to buy him a new phone because he couldn't find his other one. Gemma said he thought he left it at Nick's. I'm telling you, he has absolutely no idea about any picture. Neither does Gemma."

"Well," Zayn finally uttered, "We're all majorly fucked. We've got less than a week left before talk-show marathon and awards shows. I don't see how the hell any of that is going to be possible, now. Once Louis finds out they actually had sex...it's over, man. One hundred percent over. As much as I hate to say it, somebody needs to call Simon and get his ass down to Australia to handle all the cancellations and shit."

"Z, just calm down a minute. Harry's here isn't he?"

"Yeah, Liam. He's here. And I hope there are police around when Louis sees his sorry ass."

"Fuck," Paul admitted, "Yeah...I need to get back up there, then."

"Good luck. And stay out of the way. Harry deserves what he's got coming." Zayn doubted very seriously that Louis would ever be able to lay a hand on Harry. But it felt good saying it, anyway. 

 

********************************************

When Paul arrived back in the clerk room, he noticed that Harry was half asleep on the bench where he'd left him, so he walked over to the clerk to see if there was any news. The clerk looked at him and told him that no charges would be filed on Louis, either, but only just barely. He was exactly legal limit on booze, and the toxicology report had been "lost." The smirk on the young clerk's face let Paul know everything he needed to know. This had cost Modest! a pretty fucking penny. Again. But this time, they'd need to ding Harry's till, not Louis'. The clerk told him that Louis would be out in a few. Paperwork had already been processed and he was on his way up. It was the "have fun" last remark by the uniformed man that got his attention. He heard Louis before he ever saw him. 

"Thank Christ...get me the fuck out of here, man! They have clubs here that stay open 24 hours!"

Harry heard him, too. He and Paul exchanged a bewildered look. 

"Is he still drunk? How can that even be possible? Paul asked the clerk. "How long has he been here? At least five hours, right?"

"Oh, he's not drunk."

"What the fuck is he on, then?"

"I wouldn't presume to guess, mister "my people can make toxicology reports disappear." And with that, the clerk turned in his seat and ignored any further questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcome!


	12. Bourbon

Liam and Zayn barely spoke on the trip back to the hotel. They were both exhausted, and in need of a shower, so when they got back, Zayn walked to the desk and paid for a second suite on his personal credit card. Without a word, he took his card and got on the elevator. Instead of walking up to their shared villa, Liam made his way to the hotel bar--and for Liam, that was never a good idea. He ordered Bourbon. Up and neat. He had a lot of thinking to do, and he'd been putting it off for far too long. 

********************************

"Are you ready for this, Harry?" Paul questioned.

"Do I have a choice?" 

"No, not really. Showtime. Hope you brought your A-game kid. I think it's going to take the both of us to get your boy home."

When the metal door slid open, and Harry got his first glimpse of Louis, he knew Paul was right. Lou wasn't drunk, and so far as Harry could tell, he wasn't high, either. 

"What the fuck, Paul?"

"Ecstasy'd be my guess," Paul answered, giving Louis a once-over. "Maybe coke? Hell, could be both. Come on, let's get him back to the hotel and into a cold shower."

Louis strolled through the open door smiling from ear to ear. He was a dirty, sweaty mess, and he, too, reeked of puke and piss. And he was shirtless. 

"Where the fuck is your shirt, then?" Harry asked with a little more force in his voice than should have been there, all things considered.

"If I were you, I'd be more concerned with where my boxers are!" 

"What the fuck, Louis...what are you on?"

"Sorry pop-star, but you don't get to ask any questions."

The pop-star reference hit home. That was Nick's pet name for him--and Louis despised it. He never used it--ever. Harry cringed and took a step backwards. He felt like he'd been slapped in the face. 

"Paul! You still straight, man? Probably. Doesn't matter--let's go out! Did you know there are clubs here that stay open 24 hours? It's amazing. And I guess the girls are pretty hot. I mean, the men are, so. Come on! Say you'll go with me...."

"Not tonight peter pan-man, not tonight. The only place you're going is back to the hotel and into the shower. You fucking stink."

"Yeah, OK. A shower sounds good. But I'm not riding in the same car as him over there. You'd better call management and get another fucking car."

"Louis, please, just..."

"Don't fucking 'just' me, Lord of the Blow Job. Paul? A little help here?"

"Alright, fine. Harry, you drive the car back to the hotel, and Louis and I will follow in a cab. Faster that way. I just want to get this done as soon as possible."

***************************************

 

By the time Paul had gotten Louis back to the hotel, he was passed out cold. He hauled him out of the cab, threw him over his shoulder, grabbed the key card from Harry and took Louis up. Harry offered to help, but Paul just gave him a "go fuck yourself" look, so Harry walked over to the bar instead. He was just about to grab his drink off the bar when he heard Liam behind him.

"You really fucked up big time, Harry. Congrat-u-fucking-lations."

Harry turned around to find a very drunk Liam sprawled out in one of the chase lounges that littered the bar area. Harry, with his own drink in hand, collapsed on the floor next to Liam's lobby chair, and started to drink. 

"So tell me, Harry, how are you going to fix all this shit? Louis got totally shitfaced, fucked some guy named Tank in a club bathroom, then drug us to three more clubs! Zayn was so pissed, and I just wanted to come back to the hotel and chill. But no. Apparently, your boyfriend found a nice man who was selling ecstasy. Lovely gentlemen that he was, actually thought that Louis should have to pay for his drugs. Funny that. Louis didn't have any cash on him, so, fucked up as he was, he walked away from the guy to go get money from me! Well, as it turns out, pusher guy didn't understand what the deal was, so he grabbed Louis by the throat, and, well, all hell broke loose. Zayn jumped in to get the guy off Louis--then I jumped in to help Zayn. It was a fucking nightmare. And then the cops showed up and we all got taken to jail. Fucking jail, Harry! And it's all your fucking fault." 

Liam took another long pull from his third Bourbon, if Harry was counting the empty glasses correctly, and closed his eyes. 

"And then, to top it all off, Zayn came back and got his own room. His own fucking room, Harry."

"So that's why you're drinking, then."

"What, did you think I was drinking because you and Louis probably aren't going to ever be able to work your shit out this time? Nope, Harry. So not why. I'm drinking because the love of my life is sleeping in his own fucking room right now. I'm drinking because the love of my life is getting married in eight months. I'm shitfaced drunk because I'm as heartbroken as Louis is right now, Harry. Maybe worse. And you know what the really sad part is? I can't show a goddamned thing."

Harry had never heard Liam talk about his relationship with Zayn before. Harry knew it had to be extremely complicated, probably more complicated that what he and Louis were trying to balance. But Harry didn't have any more answers for Liam than he had for himself, so, instead of giving advice, he did the next best thing--he ordered two more Bourbon's--and listened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is a total mess. I wonder how it's all going to work out :) Comments are always welcomed.


	13. Answers

No sooner had Paul finally gotten Louis cleaned up and in a bed, his phone rang. He thought about not answering it, but it was his job, plus he hadn't seen Harry or Liam for a couple of hours. After finishing the call, he desperately wanted to go back home and finish his fishing trip. He made his way downstairs to the bar area, and sure enough, the caller had been correct. Both Liam and Harry were passed out cold. By the looks of it, they'd gone through more liquor than he'd ever seen either of them drink--especially Liam. This band was a mess. He'd been expecting it for a while, to be honest. He never understood how kids their age could live a life as micromanaged as theirs was, and survive. All in all, they'd been surprisingly resilient little shits. For three years they managed their business, professional and personal, pretty damn well. He doubted he could have done the same at 17--and maybe that's why he was always there for Harry--even though the kid pissed him the fuck off sometimes. He hated seeing him sprawled out on a dirty floor, but he had a job to do, and his job didn't include getting personally involved in his client's life. He had listened to Harry's ramblings for years, sure, but he rarely gave him any advice. But he knew that Harry wasn't nearly as strong as everyone thought he was. Deep down inside, he was a scared kid who had no idea how to be who he was. Paul never expected that Louis and Harry's relationship would survive under the constant pressures of management and fame. But they'd managed to find their way back to each other time and time again, and that spoke volumes to Paul. He'd seen much older, much "wiser" people give up the one they loved--and they hadn't been through half the shit Lou and Harry had. In a way, he had to admit, he was secretly rooting for the two of them to make it. He'd always done his part--hell, he'd even lied to management a few times about room arrangements, just so the pair could get a few nights of privacy, and, well, peace. And when he first saw Harry at Gatwick, he wanted to strangle him--and it had nothing to do with missing any fishing time. Paul took a deep breath and shook his head as he looked at two of the most famous people in the word--passed out like common drunks. Instead of laughing at them, he woke Liam up, hoisted Harry over his shoulder, and began the slow process of getting them up to bed. He shoved them both in LIam's room, turned out the light, and wandered down the hall, finally, to his own bed. 

************************

Louis woke up to the sound of the t.v. playing in his very dark hotel room. He felt OK, all things considered, but it only took a few minutes for the world to catch back up to him. He laid in bed for a while, listening to some stupid Australian game show, and just stared at the ceiling. How in the hell was he going to make it without Harry? He had no idea. As much as he hated to admit it to himself right now, Harry was the one. His body hurt and he knew it was from the party favors he swallowed the night before. Stupid. That wasn't him--at least not anymore. He didn't even realize he was crying until he turned his head to check the time, and his pillow felt wet against his cheek. Could he forgive Harry? Did he even have a choice? Louis turned on the side lamp and sat up and looked into the living area. He recognized a familiar set of boots propped up on the end of the love seat and smiled.

"Z?"

"Hey Louis. Want something to eat, mate?"

"Sure. Orange juice and toast maybe? I don't think I could look at anything else right now."

"Right. I call down."

"I'm gonna grab a shower. Will you, uh..stay until I get out? I mean, please? I kinda don't want to be by myself right now, to be honest."

"Sure, Lou. I'll just wait on the balcony then. Need some fresh air anyway."

Louis grabbed a change of clothes and hopped in the shower. He scrubbed away any grime that was left and dressed. When he walked out of the bathroom, he saw Zayn sitting out on his patio with breakfast all laid out on the small iron table. Tea, juice, toast and waffles. God he loved Zayn. And right now he really needed him here. If he had any chance of getting through the next few weeks, he'd need his best friend. He sat down and smiled as Zayn blew smoke up into the air.

"Does LIam know you're back on your morning smoke, then?" Lou questioned with a smile.

"Doubt it. Seeing as how this is my first one in months." 

"Sorry, Z. Looks like I just bring out the worst in everyone around me right now. Maybe you should get the hell away from me before my fucked up life starts to wear off on yours." 

"No mate, I don't think I need to go anywhere for that. I'm doing quite a bang-up job messing my shit up all by myself."

"Why'd you say something like that? You've got everything, mate. Perrie's great--you're fucking engaged--and LIam's... well......Liam's.......uh, LIam, I guess."

"Liam's, Liam. Right."

Louis had never pried into Zayn's personal life--especially his personal life as it pertained to Liam Payne. But after taking a closer look at his best friends face, he knew that now would be as good a time to pry as any. And it looked as if Zayn could use the push.

"Zayn, you wanna talk about Liam, then?"

"That obvious, huh?" 

"No, not really," Louis lied, "I can tell you've got something on your mind, and the look on your face is screaming relationship trouble. You know I'm a good listener. And I really could use the distraction right now, to be honest. So, for once, let me help, Z. I really want to, mate. Tell me about you and Liam."

"Right. OK. Me and Liam. What do you know about us?"

"Not much, to be honest. I know you share a bed, and I know you are important to each other."

"I love him, Louis."

"Of course you do, we all do. How could we not? We've been stuck together for so long that..."

"No," Zayn interrupted, "It's not that I love him....it's that I'm...I'm....in love with him."

"In love, as in 'I want to share my life with you' in love?" 

"Yup."

"Fuck."

"Yup." 

They ate in silence for a while--and Louis was thankful for that. He needed time to process what his best friend in the world had just told him. 

"Can I ask a completely honest question here, Z, even if it's hard to hear?"

"Yeah. You'd better. I need a whole lot of honesty right now if I'm going to figure all this shit out."

"You're engaged to one person and in love with somebody else. How did that happen? How can you be with her when you're in love with someone else?" 

As soon as Louis asked the question, his insides started to shake. This was a question he wanted so desperately to be asking Harry right now--but he knew he couldn't. He was too afraid of the answer he'd get back. 

"Uhm....it's not that hard really. I care about her. I do. She's great--and she knows about what Liam and I, uh, do. And she's OK with it...up to a point, I guess."

"Zayn, she's OK with what you two do together physically. I doubt she'd be OK with what you two have got going on emotionally."

"I know...fuck...FUCK. It's not like Liam and I have been hiding a relationship or anything like that. You know how things are with us...and how we just kinda stumbled into this physical...thing? situation?....whatever. And it was great, that. And Liam, well....Liam's always been so kind and proper and....and...in the beginning...so, so....uhm...new to everything, you know? And it was fun and special. But along the way I realized what all that meant. How much trust he has in me--how much faith. And for a long time that scared me to death. I didn't know what to do with it--at all. So for the longest time, I refused to admit that I was developing feelings for him. Does this make any sense, Lou? Does it make any sense at all?"

"It makes perfect sense, Z. But there's only one real problem here."

"I know. I've got to make a choice. I've got to let one of them go."

"I think you've already made it, mate."

"I have. My heart made it for me, really. But what if Liam doesn't feel the same? His relationship with his family is complicated--more complicated than mine, even. And I don't know, but sometimes he's so timid when I go down on him...like he's afraid he's doing something wrong all the time."

"Well, what's he like when you...uh...you know?"

"No, actually, I don't know."

"What? What do you mean you don't know? After two years you should know how the person your with feels during sex. Don't you two talk about it?"

"It's not that we don't talk about it, it's that we don't...uh...do....everything...exactly."

"Wait. What? You guys haven't...uh...made love...or whatever Liam would call it?"

"Nope. Not once. We've been close a few times, but no. It's like there's always something holding him back. He just refuses to let go...or can't...or something. I think that's part of the reason why Perrie and I got together. I guess I thought he didn't want to because he wasn't in love with me."

"Has it ever occurred to you that the reason he was holding back was because of the fact that he was?"

"What are you talking about Louis?"

"Well, with Harry....fuck. OK. With Harry and me....I...uh...we waited almost a year."

"You've got to be kidding me. You two were all over each other...like all the time." 

"Yeah...I know...but I didn't want it to be about just sex, so I waited to make sure I was in love with him, first." 

"Do you think that's why....you know...with Liam and I?"

"Dunno. I can't answer that for you. Maybe?"

"Christ, I'm a bloody idiot."

"No you're not. Trust me. If anyone on the balcony's an idiot, Z, it's definitely me."

"So," Zayn smirked, "are you ready to talk now?"

"Nope. But I am ready to apologize. I acted like a total prat the past couple of nights. And I feel awful. You and Liam got caught up in my shit, again, and I've got no excuse, mate. Not one."

"Actually, you've got as good of an excuse as any I've ever heard. Look, I know you said you're not ready, but when you are, I'll be here. And Liam will be, too. He loves you, mate. I wasn't sure it was ever going to happen, but it did, and he does. And you know where I stand, mate. Whatever you need, we're both here for you. Harry can fuck off back to England for all I care."

"No, He can't. He really can't."

"And why the fuck not?"

"Because I need him. I really fucking need him...and I still love him, Z...even after everything, I still love him so fucking much." 

Zayn and Louis sat on the balcony for the rest of the day--just smoking and talking. They cried and laughed and searched for answers. And by the time the sun had started to set, both men secretly prayed they had found a few.


	14. Start

Harry woke up hung over, again. How this had become his life, he had no idea. Well, actually he did. He was missing his rock. Harry swung his feet over the edge of the bed and sat up. Christ. He felt like he'd been hit by a truck. 

"Hey, Harry. You up then?" 

Liam. Well, at least he was still speaking to him. So it wasn't just the alcohol talking last night. That's a start, at least. Harry looked across the room to the other bed and saw that Liam was still curled up under the covers, but awake, scrolling through his phone. 

"Yeah. Wanna call down for some food?"

"Sure. Steak and eggs, then?"

"Sounds great. And Li, could I borrow some clothes? I don't have a thing."

"Yeah, OK. Go grab some sweats. You can use my shower stuff. Or Zayn's. He didn't come get his I don't think."

"No offense, mate, but I think you need the shower more than I do. I can smell you all the way over here."

Liam took a whiff of himself and almost gagged. Yeah, right. He did need to go first. He smelled like bar and puke and god knows what else. 

"If you don't mind, I will jump in first, then."

Harry wrinkled his nose at him when he passed by. He really did stink. Harry grabbed the room service menu and ordered food for the both of them and rummaged through Liam's suit case to find a change of clothes. Underneath the sweat pants he eyed a pretty black ring-sized box that he hadn't seen before. He fished it out, turning it over in his hands. Harry knew he shouldn't open it, but curiosity got the better of him, so he did. The ring was beautiful. It was two ropes intertwined together. He looked at the inscription on the underneath side of the platinum and wondered what it could possibly mean. One word. Beyond. 

"Put it back, Harry." 

Liam's voice made him jump. 

"Li, is this....uh...what is this? Did Zayn give this to you?"

"No. And put it back. Please."

Harry did as Liam requested and took his turn in the shower. When he got out, the food was there, but Liam wasn't eating. He was sitting at the table holding the velvet box in his hands, and staring out the balcony window. 

"Li?"

"Right. Ready to eat, then? Was waiting on you."

"Mr. Manners. Some things never change," Harry grinned, shaking his head. 

"How I was raised, 'ya know?"

"I guess."

The food was delicious. And it was the first real meal either of them had eaten in a couple of days, so they took their time. Harry caught Liam wiping his eyes as often as his mouth, but said nothing. Liam wasn't the crying type. Harry had only seen him spill tears a few times in three years--and that was out of joy. 

"I bought that for Zayn last year. Before...he.....you know."

"Got engaged?"

"Yeah."

"Christ, Li. You never gave it to him?"

"Couldn't. Right after I bought it he met Perrie...and they got really serious so....so fast, Harry. I didn't know what that meant. And then the engagement. So I just kept it...in my bag, ya know? Kind of pathetic, don't you think? Keeping something like that all this time?"

"Not pathetic, Li. Never that, mate. Just....hell, I don't know."

"Neither do I. I thought maybe I'd give it to him on this trip. Like as a reminder of our friendship? But Zayn would see right through that bullshit and think I was in love with him."

"But you are Li."

"I know," Liam answered quietly--almost a whisper, "but it doesn't change anything."

"You need to talk to him, Li."

Liam stood up and took a deep breath--stretching his long arms above his head. 

"I'm going to the gym, then. Need to clear my head."

Harry watched Liam leave and silently wished Liam's workout would magically do the trick. When he realized that Liam had taken the rope ring with him, he knew it wouldn't. 

*******************************

"I'm going to Singapore for a couple of days." Zayn called out to his best friend. "Perrie's meeting me there."

"Really? You gonna tell Liam before you go? I would, mate. At least let him know why you're going." 

Zayn couldn't see Louis' face, but he could feel the smile in his voice.

"I probably should, yeah."

"He's at the gym, mate."

"How'd you know that?"

"Text is a wonderful technological advancement."

"Fuck off."

"Couldn't even if I wanted to. I've got to go find Harry and do a little sorting of my own, mate. I just hope he'll talk to me."

"Oh, he'll talk to you. No guarantees he'll tell you what you want to hear, but he'll talk." 

"Zayn?"

"Yeah?"

"What do I do?"

Zayn froze. Here it was. The moment he had been trying to avoid all day. But he wouldn't lie to his friend--no matter what. 

"What do you do...about what....exactly?"

"What do I do if he fucked Nick Grimshaw?"

Zayn was good at keeping things from everyone but Louis. And Louis read him like a dime-store comic book. 

"Oh my god."

"Lou...."

"How'd you know?"

"Paul." Zayn watched as Louis broke apart before his very eyes. "Lou, just go and talk to him and try to find a way to figure..."

"Figure what, Zayn? Figure what? Why did you tell me?"

"I couldn't lie to you. You're my best friend, and you'd tell me, wouldn't you...if it was something this important?"

"Suppose so, yeah." Louis muttered out. He was starting to choke up and he wanted the fuck out of there. 

"Go talk to him, Lou. See if he tells you the truth....that's a start, right....if he tells you the truth?"

"No. That's not a start, Z. It's an end."

Louis threw on a quick change of clothes and practically ran through the hotel room door, scrambled down the emergency stairs and walked out onto the street. He had no plan, but he had plenty of cash. He hailed a cab and pondered his options--with Zayn's worried shouts still ringing in his ears. 

"Where to?" the driver predictably questioned.

"What clubs are open right now?"

"Plenty, kid."

"Good. Let's start with the nearest one, then. I need a drink."


	15. Zayn

"Paul. Paul!"

Paul could hear Zayn yelling through his hotel room door. He'd been awake for a few hours, and was starting to feel like his old self again. 

"Be right there, keep your pants on."

Paul opened the door and thought about slamming it shut again. But Zayn looked like he was about to have a melt down. This bloody band, Christ. 

"Come on in, then."

"No, Paul...there's no time. Louis took off....and I'm scared, Paul. I'm scared that's he's going to do something stupid. We've got to go find him."

"Ok....slow down. Just slow down a minute and tell me what happened."

"Well, everything was going good. We talked and I thought there might be a chance that all this shit might actually work out...and then he asked me, Paul. He fucking asked me, and I couldn't lie to him. I wanted to. I knew I probably should, but I couldn't do it."

"Calm down. You said he asked you something...what did he ask you, exactly?" Paul questioned. He had an idea, but he was praying he was wrong. 

"He asked me what he should do if Harry fucked Nick."

"And what did you tell him?"

"I didn't have to tell him a damn thing. He took one look at me...and just knew."

"Fuck, Zayn. What'd he do then?"

"He took off, man. Just grabbed his shit and left. He wouldn't listen to me...he just ran out!"

"Ok, ok....just....shit. Well, at least he's covered."

"Covered? What do you mean....covered?"

"I brought in somebody to look after Louis. Give me a minute....I gotta make a call."

Zayn watched as Paul dialed a number and walked out of the room. Since when did Paul keep secrets? And who did he bring in? Zayn had always trusted Paul--and he knew that Paul always took care of them, so he gave him the benefit of the doubt. Paul had earned at least that over the years, so he waited. When Paul came back, he looked no worse for ware. 

"He's at a local bar down the street."

"And how do you know that?"

"Already told you. I've got somebody on him--just in case."

"In case of what, exactly?"

"Just in case he lost it like the last time. I was there, Zayn....remember?"

"Yeah....yeah, I remember. Christ. How could I forget?"

"I think we all kinda forgot. But don't worry about him, Zayn. We've got it covered. I told Carl to keep his distance....and a low profile. I don't want him messing with Louis unless it's absolutely necessary. I think the kid's earned it. I don't want anyone to interfere this time. He's got to figure this out for himself, ya know?"

"But what if he can't, Paul?"

"Oh...I don't think it's Louis we're gonna have to worry about this time. I think it's Harry we're all gonna have to watch out for."

"Fuck him."

"Zayn..." Paul cautioned.

"No, Paul. Fuck Harry. I mean it. This is all his fucking fault. Even you know that. It's time for all of us to see this for what it really is. You, too, mate. I know you and Harry have some kind of bond, or whatever, but it's his fault this time...all fucking his."

"I know that. But it's my job to keep him safe, too. And he's just a fucking kid."

"A kid who's hell bent on destroying this band...a kid who just does whatever the fuck he wants to without thinking of the consequences or the pain it causes. Fuck, Paul, how can you defend that little shit right now?"

"Look, Zayn. I'm going to tell you something here that I shouldn't. It's my job to keep you guys safe....and handle some tour business...but that's it. It's not my job to get involved...but I need you to listen to me right now. Can you do that, Zayn?"

"Yeah, man...I can do that. Just don't tell me this isn't Harry's fault."

"Zayn, look...I've known Harry as long as you have. Do you remember that scared little barely-sixteen-year-old that would cry in his x-factor bunk....scared out of his fucking mind and missing home?"

"Yeah...I do...but that was a long time ago."

"For us, maybe...but he's still the same kid. He's still scared, Zayn. He didn't even have a proper relationship before he was famous. He didn't get to do all the normal shit...you know...get together, break up, experience heart ache, but move on...you know...in a normal way."

"So. It's no excuse."

"Maybe it is, though. Look, Harry was living with Louis right after they got together. They were never really apart. That's not normal. Hell, Harry really didn't have a choice. Louis was the only one old enough for him to live with....remember? I mean, what the hell did they expect would happen?"

"Man...I don't want to hear this shit. Louis didn't do anything wrong. He fell in love with Harry just as hard as Harry fell in love with him. It was completely mutual. In fact, Louis was the one who held off on...stuff. He told me that himself."

"I know that...I'm just saying that Harry never got a chance to fuck up like a normal kid...date like a normal kid. He was thrown into a grown-up world and had to handle his first love like he was 26 instead of 16. That's all I'm saying. And when he realizes he's lost Louis, he's not going to know how to handle it. He's just not. And we're going to have to be there for him...cause he doesn't have anyone else."

"Whatever, man. He can go ask Grimshaw to baby his ass."

"Zayn. You're not listening to me. Do you think Nick gives a shit about Harry?"

"No. I always thought he was using him. Even told Harry that...but it didn't matter."

"I know. Just....don't forget that you, Liam and Niall...your his family. Family, Zayn. Just...whatever happens...don't leave him out in the cold. You've all got to take care of each other....or this band is going to fall apart...and everything you've worked so hard together to build is just going to fall apart. Is that what you want?"

"I just want to grab Liam, get on a plan to Singapore, and forget about Harry Styles."

"So family means nothing to you, then?" 

"That's not it at all, Paul. I understand what you're trying to do...and I appreciate it....I really do, but maybe things are too far gone, yeah?"

"Things are never too far gone if you're a family, Zayn. And that's what you guys are...you're family."

"Family. Well...I'm going to go take care of my family, then. I'm going to go do something I should have done months ago. Before I can even think about taking care of Harry Styles, I've got to go take care of Liam."

"I understand."

"Good. Listen, I'm taking LIam to Singapore with me for a few days. And then, if everything goes the way I hope, we'll come back and help put the rest of this band...family...whatever's left of it...back together."

Paul watched as Zayn walked out the door. He hoped that he'd gotten his point across. But Zayn had always been a smart kid...and he had no doubts that he'd made the right choice. Zayn was the key to everything. He was the key to every single relationship in this band, whether he realized it or not. And he was the only one who could put it all together again. If any of them could handle that kind of pressure, it was Zayn. He was never spoiled as a kid...and he understood hurt, pain, and the grind of life. If any member of this band understood that family meant sacrifice...it was Zayn. Paul was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teared up when I wrote this. That probably means it's crap...but I'm posting it anyway. Happy days are coming soon...so don't worry :) And thanks for reading :) Oh...and I found Niall....and I've got big plans for him...hehehe....:)


	16. Liam

Zayn stood just inside the work out room door. Liam hadn't noticed him yet, so he leaned up against the wall and watched. He'd seen Liam work out countless times, but this time was different. He watched as Liam moved from machine to machine, body glistening, as his muscles worked to push the plates up, then down. And when Liam started his squat reps, well. Zayn couldn't be held responsible for where his mind went. Zayn grabbed a clean towel off the table and made his way over to his boyfriend, who had just gotten his body into position for the last exercise of his routine--sit ups. Zayn sat down on the mat by Liam's head and waited--he knew Liam would finish his work out--and Zayn didn't mind watching. Eventually, he finished his set and turned to look at his observer. 

"Hi, Li," Zayn started gently.

"Hi, yourself," Liam responded coldly.

"Can we talk? I want...no....that's wrong...I need to talk to you, Li."

"Sure. Look, I've been thinking a lot about...whatever this, uh...is...and..."

"Li? Let's go up, first."

"And which room are you planning on going to, then? Your own?"

"Come on, Liam....just..."

"No, Zayn....damnit...I know we don't....talk...about our feelings, or what we've got going on between us, or whatever...but I think it's time that we do, mate."

"Mate? Seriously? Did you just call me mate?"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. Mate would imply we're friends...and friends don't get their own hotel room without any explanation. So, yeah...sorry about that."

This was going to be much harder than he expected. Zayn took a huge breath in and released it a little too loudly. When Liam turned to look at him he saw a look on Liam's face that he'd never seen before. He looked resigned. He had a look on his face that yelled, "I've made my decision, and that's it!" So Zayn changed tactics.

"I want to take you somewhere. Will you go with me, Li?"

"And where would we go?"

"How about Singapore?"

"Singapore? What's in Singapore?"

"Well, Perrie is going to meet us there, and then...."

Liam rolled his eyes, grabbed his towel and stood up.

"Don't think so, mate. I don't think I can do that anymore."

"I know," Zayn answered quietly, "I really need you to listen to me, Li."

"I get it....OK? I get it. This....us...whatever this is...can't continue....You're engaged...I know that. And how I feel doesn't matter anymore. We don't talk about anything...like ever, Zayn...and I know why...Ok? I do. So let's just get this over with so I can....try and move on, man....just say it."

"Liam?"

"What?"

"Look at me."

Liam turned to face Zayn and he could tell the man was an emotional wreck. At least, Liam thought, this was hard for him, too. But the thought didn't make him feel any better about it. And then Zayn was closing the distance between them. He pulled Liam into a hug and laid his head on his shoulder. 

"Come upstairs with me....to our room, Liam. Ours. And let's talk about everything...all of it...you...me....our relationship...feelings...all of it. Let's hold nothing back, Li."

"Are you sure we should do this?"

"Yes. I'm absolutely sure. Now come on."

"Zayn?"

"Hmm?"

"Nothing...never mind...yeah.....I'll meet you up there in a few minutes...just let me grab my stuff and shower first, OK? Give me fifteen minutes?" Liam had made his decision. 

"Sure. I'll be there."

Liam showered thoroughly--much more thoroughly than he usually did. He'd planned on waiting until Zayn was in love with him, but he just couldn't wait anymore. If he was going to lose him, at least he would have this memory to help him through it. 

**********************************************

"So...you just gonna nurse that beer all night?"

"Maybe...what's it to you?"

"Oh...I don't know, Lou...I really need a drink myself. Are you good for one more, then?"

"Suppose so...yeah. Just no shots. I still feel like shit from two nights ago, mate."

"Lightweight."

"Whatever."

Paul walked over to the bar and grabbed two Cooper's Sparkling from the barkeep and made his way back to Louis' table. 

"Nice choice of venue, kid. I kinda like this place. Homey...it is."

"I guess. I told the cab driver to take me somewhere where I wouldn't be bothered. Guess he failed on that one." 

The words were biting, but the tone was full Tomlinson sarcasm. Paul really did love this kid. 

"So...I guess you can tell new guy over there he can go get some rest. He's been standing by the door for two hours...he's got to be getting a bit tired." 

"I should have know you'd pick him out. Don't know why I even tried."

"No....it's good that you did. About an hour ago I could have gone either way, mate....either way."

"Figured that. Just wanted an eye on ya...you know? Didn't want you to end up in jail or playing cowboy again."

"Liam?" Louis smirked.

"Yup. You know that kid can't keep a secret to save his bloody life."

"He's good like that, though. Naturally sincere and shit."

"Yeah, but it's honest...so you gotta love him for it."

"True. Very true."

"So...you wanna tell me about your cowboy, then? I heard it was quite the ride."

Louis laughed out loud and looked sideways at his drinking mate.

"You sure you can handle the details?"

"Oh....after watching after you and Harry for the past three years...I think I can handle it."

"We'll see about that..."

Louis and Paul sat in the dingy local for four more hours...sipping beer and entertaining one another. It was exactly what both of them needed. Paul realized, and not for the first time, that he and Louis were going to be friends long after this band had gone the way of the Do-Do. 

***********************************************************

Harry sat on his small love seat--frustrated as hell. He had his new phone out of it's case and instructions sprawled out on his lap. How the hell did normal people figure this shit out? Phones should not be this complicated. 

Finally, he got the damned thing to turn on. At least he knew how the cloud worked--and Gemma--well she was absolutely brilliant. All of his contacts were already there, and he watched as the cloud took over and magically started to import his texts, pics, videos and social media. Fucking finally. He'd never gone more than a few hours without his phone...and that's when he was sleeping, for crying out loud. Harry left the working iPhone on the sofa and went to hop in the shower. Hopefully, if he had any luck, the damn thing would be ready by the time he got out. 

***********************************************************

You can do this, Liam. You can do this. You can do this. Fuck. I can't do this. Liam leaned up against the wall outside of his room and took a deep breath. No, he thought, I can do this. I can. But instead of walking into the room, he sunk lower, sat down, and took a minute to just breathe. What the hell was wrong with him? He wanted this. He did. With renewed fortitude, he pushed himself up off the floor and went inside. 

"Zayn?"

"In here, Li."

"Yeah...uh...could you come in here...with me...please?"

"Why? I thought we were going to talk. It'd be easier to talk in here, I think. Fewer....uh...distractions, Li."

"Maybe I want to be distracted."

Ut oh. Zayn knew that voice...but they needed to talk, first. Definitely needed to talk. 

"Uhm....Liam? Can we maybe get to that later? I've got to tell you something, first. And it can't wait."

"Yes. Yes, it can. Everything else can wait, Z. I don't want to hear it. Just...fuck. Get over here."

Reluctantly, Zayn got up and walked over to Liam, who looked scared to death. He was, in fact, shaking....shaking like a leaf during a hurricane. This was not good. What the hell was going through his beautiful head? Zayn had no idea. 

"Liam, look at me. What is going on with you? Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what...can't I just want to make lo.....uhm, no...fuck?...no...shit....have sex with? Oh Christ." Liam buried his face in his hands--and after a second or two, peeked up through his fingers at Zayn.

Zayn had to work really fucking hard to keep from laughing. Liam was just too cute--probably the cutest human being he'd ever seen. He was flushed and flustered--and beautiful. He sat down next to Liam on the bed and gently wrapped his arms around him. Liam turned his body and leaned in, resting his head on Zayn's chest. Zayn let their bodies fall backwards onto the bed--and he held Liam just like that--softly running is fingers through his boyfriends hair--waiting for him to calm down a bit. It took a while, but eventually Liam sighed and relaxed. 

"Oh my god, Zayn. I don't even know."

Zayn couldn't keep the grin out of his voice even if he had to.

"Well, that was interesting. And unexpected. I thought we were coming up here to talk, but you had other plans, didn't you Li?"

"Maybe."

"Alright then." Zayn continued stroking Liam's hair and back...keeping him relaxed. "Before we get to that....and believe me, we will get to that...just listen. I need to tell you something very important, and I need you to help me figure some things out...OK? Can you do that with me?"

"Yeah. I can. Is it going to take a very long time, though?"

"Oh, you. Anxious, are we? Patience is a virtue, you know."

"If you want me to help you...then it might be wise for you to not bring up my virtue right now." 

"Bold of you, Li, considering the situation you've put yourself in." 

"Hmmm...and what would that situation be?"

"Well....I've got you all alone, locked inside a hotel room.....and there's nobody else around to interrupt us. Could be quite dangerous for you...and your....uh..how did you put it...virtue?"

Zayn could tell Liam was blushing. He could practically feel his body heat rising up through is clothes. But that would have to wait just a little longer. Zayn rolled his body on top of Liam's and pressed himself against him, and found his lips. After a minute, Zayn pulled back and looked down at Liam. 

"I love you, Li."

Liam opened his eyes and stared up at his boyfriend. 

"Do you mean that?"

"Absolutely."

"I love you, too, Z. So much. And for such a long time...I've waited for you for so long. Say it again, please."

Zayn smiled down at him. "I love you, Liam. I am in love with you. I've made my choice....and it's you. It's always been you--it just took me a while to realize it. Look, I know I've put you through hell....but I promise I'll spend every day making it up to you. And I really need you to come to Singapore with me. I have to tell Perrie everything, and she deserves to hear it face to face. I have to look her in the eye when I tell her--I owe her that much. Say you'll be there with me...that you'll come?"

"Of course I'll be there. Are you sure, Z?"

"Never been surer of anything else in my life....except for one thing....that is."

"And what's that about, then?"

"All the things I want to do to you...and your virtue."

"Oh my god....that wouldn't have anything to do with how you want to tie me up with my shirt all the time, would it? Or how you want me to use your mouth? I don't think it's my virtue you need to worry about here, Z....you should probably by worried about your own well-being, love."

"Did you just threaten me, Liam James Payne? That's brave, considering you're inexperience."

"Nope. Not a threat...I just made you a promise." 

"A promise, huh....we'll see how you feel about that once I'm inside you."

"Yeah...I guess we can get to that at some point. But right now...I've got something special for you, Z. So you better use your words and explain to me how to stretch you open real well, then...seeing as how I'm inexperienced and all."

Liam used his strength to flip Zayn underneath him--and gave him the most beautifully wicked smile Zayn had ever seen. 

"Liam? Oh my god?"

"Words....Z....I want to hear you use your words."

And so he did.

**************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that, then? Want the rest...or is that enough Ziam?


	17. Beyond

It had been a very, very long time since Zayn had let anyone fuck him. Years, actually...and that had been...well...less than stellar. And Liam was...Liam. When Zayn looked down between them and saw Liam's very hard cock straining through his track pants--all his certainty and bravado packed up and left. He'd just always assumed that if they ever got to this point, that Liam would want to bottom for him. That was what he pictured in his mind during his nightly wanks in the shower. Hell, he didn't even finger himself anymore. Zayn realized, for the first time in forever, that he was actually scared of sex--well, not of sex, exactly, but scared of bottoming--and more specifically--bottoming for Liam Payne. But that's exactly what Liam was asking him to do. 

"Li, I...uh....I'm not sure if I...we...?"

Liam froze. For the first time he realized that maybe Zayn was uncomfortable...that he was doing something wrong. He saw the hesitation on his boyfriend's face--and didn't know what to do--at all. 

"Zayn, what's wrong, love? Am I doing something wrong? Is this not what you want...am I not...uh..."

"No...it's not that," Zayn chuckled softly, "everything about this is absolutely right. I'm just a little...uh...fuck."

"Just a little what? Look, it's OK. If this is too much, too soon...just let me know. I want you, Z. I want to feel you wrapped around me. I want to hold you close to me and feel your heartbeat from the inside--wanted it for so long."

"I want to do the same thing to you, Li."

"Oh...OH....you...uh...oh, man...I didn't even think about that."

"Shhhh...come here."

Zayn pulled Liam's head down and kissed him hard on the mouth--opening up for him almost immediately. Liam licked into him without caution or hesitation--making is intentions strinkingly clear. After a few minutes, Liam reluctantly pulled back and looked at Zayn and waited for him to say something. 

"I can try, Liam. I want to try. I want you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah...definitely. But you've got to take your time, though...and be patient with me. You can't rush or get in a hurry, OK? If you do, you'll hurt me...understand?"

"I think so...just explain it to me. Walk me through it, yeah? I'm sorry I don't know how to..."

"Li....look at me. Don't ever apologize for that. And yeah...I'll teach you. Just remember what I said, OK?"

"Yeah...I will. Promise." 

And Zayn knew he meant it. Liam was kind and gentle--and the way his was stroking his cheeks with his thumbs had Zayn finally relaxing a bit. He couldn't believe he was going to do this again, but he was going to try. He definitely was. He was always discovering new things about himself when he was with Liam--why did he think sex was going to be any different? If anyone could push his boundaries--it was Liam. He was crazy in love with him--and he trusted him with his life. Zayn nodded to himself and felt his dick twitch in anticipation--like it was agreeing with the decision. Interesting. 

"Sit up, Love. I've got to go get a few things...it'll be quick."

Liam watched him as he walked over to bag and immediately turn around. 

"Uh...yeah...right. I'll be right back. I don't have any lube. I'll just run over to Louis' then and get..."

"I have some."

"What?" The smile on Zayn's face was shameless.

"I have some, Z. Right side of my blue shoulder bag. Strawberry, I think."

"Wait. What? Why?"

"Boy scout, remember?"

Zayn rummaged through the bag and pulled out the small bottle.

"Strawberry...hmmm? You are too much, Liam Payne."

"Just grab it and get back over here...and we'll see about that."

"Oh my god."

Zayn felt his body heat up...but not with want, like usual....but with need. Pure bone quaking need. The kind of need that broke down all resistance and dissuaded all hesitation. The kind of need that made good men do very bad things. Zayn felt the smile spread across his face. 

"What are you smiling at?" Liam asked as Zayn walked back over to the bed. 

"The thought of you naked...stand up, Li. And come here."

Zayn saw obedience flash across Liam's face and spread throughout his body. Fucking obedience. And that did things for him--desperate things. But this moment was all about control--not desperation. He'd have to guide Liam through this--he'd have to tell Liam how his body was feeling--teach him--explain things to him--remain in control when he got it wrong--because he would, at first. But if Liam could remain obedient--and follow his directions--Christ. If he had any doubts about how into this he would be--they were long gone. 

Liam stood in front of his boyfriend and waited. 

"Are you ready to follow my instructions, then?" Zayn questioned, making sure to leave the sarcasm out of his voice. 

Liam looked into Zayn's eyes and immediately noticed a difference. It made his insides twist and his cock ache.

"Yes," was all he could manage to choke out. 

Zayn closed the distance and wrapped his arms around the shaking boy in front of him, laid his head on his shoulder, and inhaled his scent. 

"Relax, Li. It's just us."

"Hmmmmm. Yeah. Just us."

They were very, very good at foreplay. Hell, they'd had two years of practice. Liam knew Zayn liked to watch him strip, so he did. He teasingly removed his t-shirt and ran his hands down his body to his pants. Soon, they were gone, too. Stripping for Zayn usually made him a little bit uncomfortable, but not this time. This time it was just fucking hot. He kept his eyes on his boyfriend and watched Zayn make quick work of his own clothes. God he loved his body. Strong and lithe and perfect. Liam moved in--ignored Zayn's mouth--and licked over Zayn's collar bone just right. And, in turn, Zayn gave Liam's nipples the attention they deserved. It didn't take long before both men were a leaking mess--ready for more.

Zayn dropped to his knees and waited. He wanted to see if Liam remembered what he'd learned in the loo a couple nights before. The smirk on his boyfriends face let him know immediately that he did. 

"You sure?"

"Fucking do it."

Liam grabbed a fist-full of raven hair in one hand and his cock in the other--and guided himself over his favorite bottom lip. He remembered alright. Zayn giggled--actually fucking giggled--as he opened his mouth and let Liam take control. He wasn't as rough with it as he'd been the other night--but when Zayn gagged around him he almost lost it right then and there. Did he do that last time? God it was so much better now that he could remember every detail--without alcohol fuzzing up his brain. After a few more particularly hard strokes, he pulled Zayn up by his hair and pondered his swollen lips. He did that. And god he wanted to do it to them over and over again--right now, if he could. Instead, he caressed over them with his tongue and let his hands wander down Zayn's back...stopping at the bottom of his spine. He splayed his hands wide and grinned inwardly at how his hands could nearly reach around Zayn's whole body. 

"You're hands are so big, Li. I love how they wrap around me like that...feels so fucking good."

"Yeah?" Liam moved his hands up his boyfriends tight little body, allowing his thumbs to graze over Zayn's nipples--experimenting with the reaction it'd cause. And when Zayn threw his head back and moaned--Liam dropped his head and teasingly licked--then blew--over one of the hard nubs. He felt Zayn's cock twitch against his abs--and he took that as a good sign. Instead of licking this time, he gently bit down and pulled. 

"Yeah...just like that...do it again," Zayn groaned out. So Liam did. God he loved making these sounds come out of Zayn--to watch him quiver above him--to feel his cock twich between them. 

"Z?" 

"Yeah...definitely....bed, Liam."

Zayn grabbed a pillow and laid down with it under his hips--and smiled back Liam. A dirty little smile that contained both an invitation and a challenge. And when he was sure Liam was watching, he spread his legs wide and arched his back up--opening himself--and giving Liam a fantastic show in the process.

"Jesus fuck, Zayn."

Liam had never needed anything in his life--but he needed this. In this moment, right now, he needed Zayn underneath him. 

"Liam?"

"Yeah..yeah...I'm good."

"So grab the lube then." 

Reluctantly, Liam tore his eyes away from the sight before him. He arranged himself between Zayn's spread thighs--and sat back on his heels. He had to take another minute to appreciate his boyfriend's body. He'd never seen him like this before--all spread out for him...open for him. God he was fucking gorgeous. Liam wasn't as inexperienced with this part as he'd made out to be. He would, on occasion, finger himself open--imagining it was Zayn doing the work instead. His fingers were long--and he could usually find just the right spot to make himself see white as he came. Without hesitation, he flicked open his bottle and was about to pour some into the palm of his hand, when he got an idea. One he'd never had before. 

"Can I taste you, Z?"

"What? Oh my god...do you mean...fuck...yes...please."

He'd never heard Zayn say please like that before. It was part consent--part beg, and Liam loved it. He was going to figure out every single thing about Zayn that made him say please like that. Every single goddamned thing. 

"Hmmm...so beautiful..Z....just gotta..."

Liam sat back on his heels again and watched as his hands covered his boyfriends ass. He loved it. Carefully, he used his thumbs to spread him open just that little bit more and lowered his head. Tentatively, he licked the seem that ran from Zayn's swells back to his opening--watching as the it quivered the closer his tongue got. He moved his thumb along the wet strip he created and pushed the damp pad against the hole, feeling it flutter. He didn't think he could get any harder--but he did. 

"Please...oh fuck....please..."

Liam smirked and moved his thumb back to the side--gently pulling. Without any hesitation he leaned in and licked across the hole. Once, twice....again. 

"Use your teeth, Li..and suck...if you want to...god, Li...Christ...."

Liam had seen this in porn enough times--but the visual didn't teach him anything other than where to put things. It didn't teach him anything about how much pressure to use--how fast or how slow--things like that. But he knew one thing--he loved having his mouth on Zayn, so he was going to figure it out. Gently, he grazed his teeth over the edge of Zayn's hole--to see if that was OK. When Zayn moaned and spread his legs wider, he leaned in and placed his mouth over him--sealed it--and sucked. 

"Jesus Fuck!" 

Liam immediately stopped and pulled back.

"What? Did I hurt you...did I do it wrong?"

"Oh my god...don't fucking stop....no....you didn't hurt me...please...do it again, Li...again."

So Liam did, but this time, he pointed his tongue and pushed it inside as he sucked. Zayn's body was shaking--and the sounds he was making--holy fuck--were they hot. Liam never knew sex could feel like this--be....like this. And he hadn't even gotten inside of his boyfriend yet. 

"Can I stretch you now, Z? Can I?"

"Yeah....just....remember what I said...OK?"

"I remember."

Liam reached back for the lube and poured a good amount into his palm. Zayn was already spit-slick and wet from his mouth, but he was going to follow Zayn's every instruction. He was going to learn to do this just he way Zayn liked--he deserved that. As he slicked up two of his fingers he suddenly realized that Zayn had gone quiet--and he couldn't wait to make him noisy again. 

"Z?"

"Just go slow. Start with one...do what you do to yourself...but to me."

Zayn looked back at him and gave him that little shy smile he rarely saw anymore. It shook him to the core. So he leaned up and placed a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

"I love you, Z."

"Hmmmm....come on, then...open me up." 

Zayn couldn't believe how amazing his body felt. And Liam's tongue--fuck. He'd never asked anyone to open him up before--he'd never gave himself to someone before, either--and it was scary and exciting all at the same time. And as Liam kissed his way down his body--sucking love bites down his spine--he realized for the first time what it truly meant to bottom. He'd never understood it before--not even close. And he wasn't even surprised as he felt his body relax and open up as Liam pushed one finger--then two--into him. And when Liam smirked as he grazed his fingertips over his spot--he knew this man was it for him. That he wouldn't need anyone else--ever. 

"One more, Li...add another."

Liam said nothing, only hummed in response, as he pulled his two fingers most of the way out and slicked his ring finger up--just to be sure--before slowly pushing it back in with the others. He felt Zayn immediately tighten up on him so he held still, and waited--rubbing his free hand over Zayn's back and hips. 

"Z?"

"Hmmmm....it's perfect, Liam....just wait for my body to tell you it's OK to....go."

So Liam did. He continued to rub Zayn's back as he slowly worked his fingers forward. Every time he'd feel Zayn's body relax--he'd move. Soon, he was able graze across Zayn's spot again...and a few minutes after that--his boyfriend was working his hips back onto his fingers all on his own. And god if it wasn't the hottest thing Liam had ever seen. 

"Li?"

Zayn's voice snapped him back--he had gotten lost in watching his fingers disappear inside his boyfriend as he rocked himself on his hand--opening himself with his own rhythm. It was a beautiful sight.

"Hmmm...Z....what do you need?"

"Slick yourself up for me, Li."

"Yeah?"

"Hmmmmm....and move the pillow."

Liam silently followed instructions and found that he had to remind himself how to breathe. 

"Get behind me...and go slow....remember how you paid attention to my body before...when your fingers were in me?"

"Yeah..."

"It's the same...sort of...just push forward when you feel me give...."

Zayn went to turn himself over, but Liam reached out for him, first. He pulled him up into his lap and held him close--running his fingers gently down his back like Zayn had done to him earlier in the afternoon. 

"I want to see you, Z...don't want you to turn over....do you have to?"

"No...not really....Did you have something else in mind? Tell me what it is."

"Can I lay down behind you..like on our sides?...I want to be close to you...wanna hold you."

"Oh my god...yes."

Liam watched as Zayn stretched out on his side, pulling the pillow up under his head. And when he drew his knees up and arched his back out...Liam could stay still no longer. He gave himself another coat and moved behind his boyfriend. 

Zayn reached his hand between their bodies and moved Zayn's cock back and forth over his rim...one, twice...before it caught. Zayn then arched a little more as Liam pushed the head of his cock inside. He could feel the rim stretch over him--and he felt Zayn shake in his arms--so he held him just that much tighter and whispered I love you's in his ear--holding himself steady--waiting for Zayn's body to tell him he could move again. 

Zayn laced his fingers into Liam's and turned his head to kiss him. He never thought he'd be able to give himself over to someone so completely--like he was giving himself over to Liam. And as Liam opened his mouth to him Zayn felt his body shudder and give a little-- accepting more of his boyfriend inside. There was pain--but there was also love--and the feeling of being connected--of belonging. He'd never felt that before--not like this--not even close. And after a few long minutes, Liam was fully inside--tight, too tight--but amazing, too. With the way Liam was angled inside of him...his cock was a constant pressure against his spot...and when he finally was able to move...it didn't take long for Zayn to see stars--bright and infinite--as he exploded across the bed sheets.

Liam rocked his boyfriend through his orgasm--holding him tight to his chest. Seeing Zayn come undone like that was too much for him. He gently pulled out and it only took a stroke or two before he found his own release--Zayn's other hand still in his. 

And that's exactly how the drifted off--messy, hand-in-hand--and in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm? OK?


	18. Louis

Louis woke up alone, again--and he wondered if he'd ever get used to it. At least he wasn't hungover. He and Paul had taken it pretty easy last night, even though they were out late. He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed his phone, then rolled himself back under the covers. He'd never been a morning person--no matter how hard Harry had tried to make him one. Just wasn't in his nature. Fifteen messages? Two from Zayn, one from Liam, one from NIall--Christ--he's alive after all, Louis thought fondly, and eleven from Harry. He hadn't checked any of Harry's messages since that picture, and he wasn't sure he was ready to, now, either. Reluctantly, he took a deep breath, and clicked on Harry's name. Typical Harry psychobabble. He continued to scroll down--but the last text got his attention. Two words: I'm sorry. Very unlike Harry. God he wished he could turn off his feeling sometimes--but when it came to Harry, it was no use. He missed him so fucking much--but that didn't change anything. 

Paul had asked him the questions Zayn avoided. Zayn asked him stuff like do you still love him? and do you think it'll work out? Paul simply asked, "Can you forgive him?" Zayn's questions were easy. Yes, he still loved him, and yeah, we'll work it out somehow. But Paul's question continued to nag at him--hard. He'd forgiven him before--he'd put his pride aside and chosen Harry over all the bullshit. Nick was particularly mean over the airwaves--and he knew what most people who were "in the know" thought of him. Poor little Louis got cheated on but took him back anyway...must be whipped! In a way, that was true. He couldn't argue it, so he dealt with it. Could he do it again? Could he forgive Harry and pick up where they'd left off--continue with the plans they'd made over the past year--and not look back or feel like less of a man? Right now, he doubted it. He didn't even know what Harry was thinking or feeling right now. Hell, it's possible he didn't want him back--that he was ready to end things and move on. 

Louis knew he needed to talk to Harry--to get everything out in the open and talk about all of it. The pain was going to happen either way--whether they talked it out or not. So Louis hit speed dial and prepared to wait--but Harry picked up on the first ring. 

"Lou?"

"Hey, Harry."

"Hey." 

"Wanna grab some breakfast?"

"Sure. I'm starving. Haven't eaten in a while."

"Sorry."

"It's OK...not really your fault, is it? Wanna go down or you want to come over here?"

"Don't want to go down...how bout you come over here? I'll order."

"OK. Be there in ten? Need to...uh....pull myself together a bit."

"Bye, Harry."

"Yup."

Louis didn't know what to expect when Harry walked in--but he wasn't expecting this. Harry was a mess. He was wearing sweats that were way too big for him and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. And he looked softer, somehow--more like the sixteen year old kid he fell in love with. And that just made his heart ache. Fuck. What was he even doing? He had no plan here, no list of questions. He was just working off his emotions--and that was never a good idea. His emotions clouded is judgment and made him say stupidly honest things.

"I got you pancakes and juice. Bacon, too. Hope it's OK." 

"No, it's great, Lou....looks good."

Louis had the food spread out on the coffee table, so he walked into the living area and sat on the sofa and began sorting his morning meal. Harry followed, but hesitated next to the table, looking confused. 

"Sit, Harry. Come on. Let's eat."

Harry took a deep breath and sat next to Louis, and almost dropped his plate. He would have, but Louis had his hand under it almost immediately, to stop its fall. 

"Thanks."

"Yup." 

God they were both nervous. Louis caught Harry looking over at him the whole time they ate--and it made his insides churn. Could he forgive him? Could he? Paul's words kept echoing in his head--like an annoying kid toy that refused to run out of battery. He gave himself a mental pep talk and forced himself to turn and face the absolute love of his life. He promised himself he would make it through this without breaking down, grabbing Harry, and begging him not to leave. He promised. 

"Lou?"

Harry's eyes were already glassy-making his normally vibrant green eyes the color of moss--and even more beautiful, if that was even possible. 

"Do you love him?" Louis realized the words didn't even sound right--like they were coming out of a complete stranger. 

"No. Never did."

"Then why, Harry?"

"I don't know, Lou."

"Not good enough."

"I know. Look, I didn't plan it--this isn't like last time, Lou. I don't want to be with him."

"If you don't want to be with him, and you don't love him, then why'd you fuck him, Harry?"

"Louis, listen. Just listen to all of it, please. Start to finish...without interrupting me? Can you do that?"

"I can try. But I want to know why, Harry. I have to know."

Harry nodded, gathered his thoughts, and began. 

"This might take some time, Lou. Please be patient with me--you know how I, uh...get sometimes...when I'm trying to explain even normal things. And this...well, obviously. Gemma said that the only way this conversation was going to do any good for anybody is if I just laid it all out, so that's what I'm going to do. Just know that I'm not doing this to hurt you...I'm doing this so that you'll know the truth about what happened and the truth about how I feel. We've never been good at keeping secrets, Lou...and in a way I think that's one of the main reasons we've been able to make our relationship work as long as it has."

Louis felt his heart sink. Harry wasn't talking like someone who wanted to fix things--he was talking like someone who was explaining the end of things. But Louis promised he'd listen--start to finish--so he took a deep breath and cradled his knees to his chest--and listened. 

"I didn't know Nick was going to be at fashion week. If I'd have known, I would have told you. And looking back, I should have called to let you know I ran into him. But I got caught up in the show and friends I haven't seen in a while--and I just didn't get around to it. We ended up at some parties after the show--and at first we were all in big groups, so I thought everything would be fine. But as the night went on, the groups got smaller and smaller..until it was just a few people--Nick included. So we got to talking, and you know how that goes, right? You get a few drinks in you, and you start talking about old times, ya know? I just wasn't strong, Louis. I was drunk, but I knew what I was doing--but I honestly don't know why I was doing it. Just got caught up in the moment, I guess. And then Nick kissed me...and I should have stopped it...but....I....I...just didn't, Lou. I didn't...and we ended up back at his...and...well...you know the rest. 

Harry looked at him expectantly, but Louis was in no mood to let him off the hook.

"No, Harry. I don't know the rest. You're going to have to explain it to me. You said all of it--so that's what you're going to do. Get through all of it."

"Fuck, Louis, I'm pouring my heart out here...I'm telling you everything...what more do you want from me?"

"I want the fucking truth. All of it." 

Harry was quiet for a long time--and Louis just waited. He was too emotional to do anything else.

"All of it. Sure. If that's what you want...fine. Well here it is. We went back to his place, and I let him fuck me."

"You what?"

"I let him, Louis."

"Oh my god. Why? How? How could you do that? How could you let him even touch you, Harry? Much less let him...have you?"

"I was drunk and..."

"Fuck you."

"Louis? Please don't..."

"Don't what? No....you were right. You definitely shouldn't have told me everything. Christ, Harry?" 

Louis couldn't hold it together any longer. He dropped his head on his knees and just cried. Cried harder than he'd ever cried in his life. How could Harry do....that? Was what they had so meaningless to him? He knew the truth...but he still didn't know why. 

"So I've lost you then," Louis mumbled into his knees. 

"I'm here, Lou. I'm right here."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't enough, Harry. I tried so hard to be. I fought so hard for us...for you. I'm so, so sorry. I should have given you more space...more time to go out and date and do stupid things...but I just fell in love with you so fast, Harry. So I'm going to do, now, what I should have done a year ago. I'm going to let you go."

"What? Louis, that's not what I want. Not at all. I can't breathe without you---can't live without you, Lou. I don't even know how."

"That's what I'm saying, Harry. Don't you see? It's like what you said at the campfire, remember? That we'd all be friends because we were very important parts of each other lives when we were growing up."

"I'm not a child, Louis. And I wasn't talking about us when I said that. You're not just some guy I want to think about later in life and only see you as a person who I was with when I was growing up. It just can't end this way, Louis. I won't let it."

"You don't have a choice, Harry."

"Yes I do. And I'm going to fight for you, Lou."

"No you won't. You think you will right now, because we're wrapped around each other...but once you know you're free you're going to fly, Harry. Like the birds on your chest. Maybe that's what those tattoos of yours really mean. Freedom...but in a different way. Your freedom. Look, Harry...we all know this group won't be together much longer. We've sold out the stadium tour, sure...but we're already getting booed at awards shows. You know that. And it's a boy-band...and none of us are boys anymore. Don't you see? Soon you and Liam will be off doing solo things..and that's OK...that's how we all knew it would go...even if we denied it in interviews."

"I always thought you'd be there with me, Lou. Even when we weren't in this band anymore. I can't do it alone--I can't even manage to get myself through a fucking airport by myself, Louis. How am I supposed to handle a solo career?"

"You'll learn, Harry. And you'll be stronger for it. You will. And you're going to be fucking brilliant, by the way. I think that what happened with Nick was bound to happen sooner or later--whether it was him or someone else. I've been thinking about it a lot, Harry. I have. And I think this is what's best for you, Harry. I know it is."

"Well I don't know it, Lou. I'll never know it."

"Yes you will. But you're not alone, Harry. It's going to break my heart in two, but I'll be here for you...as a friend. You can talk to me, and I'll listen...but I won't interfere with your decisions anymore, Harry...I won't help you make them. But I'll support you...no matter what."

"I love you, Louis."

"And I love you, too. Always. Now come on, let's get ourselves cleaned up. I've got to go with Liam and Zayn to the airport--and you need to go shopping, obviously."

"I can't do this Louis."

"Yes, Harry. Yes, you can. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. And I promise you when you come out the other side you'll be amazed at what you've accomplished. I know it. But you're going to be able to look back on your accomplishments as yours...not ours, or this band's, or your family's...yours, Harry."

"Will you be proud of me, Louis?"

"I'll always be proud of you, love. Now up you go."

"I don't know what to do, Lou. Tell me what to do?"

"I can't Harry. It's time for you to figure out the answer to that question for yourself--to make your life your own."

Harry nodded, wiped his eyes and stood. Louis stood with him and hugged him tighter than ever before--and then let him go. And it was only after the door closed behind Harry that Louis lost it...privately....and, he told himself, for the best....the absolute best. 

************************************************

"So?" Zayn asked after Louis finally made his way down to his room to help him and Liam with their bags. 

"I let him go, Zayn. I had to let him go."


	19. Harry

The first few weeks were incredibly difficult ones for Harry. But, after Zayn and Liam got back from Singapore, and Niall finally got his ass to Australia, things settled down. He'd have good days, and bad days. The day they taped him on that stadium tour was a shining example of just how bad his bad days could get. Management tried to play it off like he was sick, but even the fans knew--they took one look at that footage and saw the truth--they saw a heartbroken boy. After a while, he and Louis were able to hold conversations again, and after three months, Harry thought maybe there was hope for a friendship. He still wanted more--wanted to grab Louis and beg him back--but Louis made it clear that's not what he wanted. 

"Lou...you look awesome, man. Where you headed off to?"

"Well, Z...I'm going to dinner. Out to....uh...dinner."

"You finally asked Eros out then?" Liam teased. "Bout fucking time, mate."

"It's only been three months," Harry mumbled from the other side of the practice studio. 

"Exactly," Niall chimed in, "Have fun, then."

"It's just dinner, guys...it's not like....uh...."

Louis took one look at Harry and decided not to finish his sentence. He wasn't trying to be cruel--he was just trying to move on. 

"Well...I'm off, then."

"Lou...wait...uh...I'll walk you out."

"Harry, I don't think that's a...."

"No problem," Harry interrupted, quickly gathering his things. 

Zayn looked over at Louis and they had a silent conversation with their eyes. Zayn nodded and turned around. They'd all taken their turns watching over Harry the past three months. Paul had been right--but he usually was. 

"So...is he...uh...special, Lou?" Harry questioned as they made their way outside.

"Harry, don't do this...not right now."

"Why not, Lou? Just answer the question. Is he special, then?"

"I don't know, Harry....I like him. He's easy to talk to and I enjoy being around him. We get on really well, I guess."

"Better than we did?"

"Harry, don't."

"It's only been three months Louis...three. And I didn't even have a chance, Lou. You didn't give me one chance."

"Yes, I did."

"Not this time, you didn't."

"No. Not this time...I...I...just can't, Harry. What I'm going to do is go have dinner with a guy I like...with someone I can just be myself around and joke with and enjoy. There's nothing wrong with that, Harry. Nothing at all. Now, either hug me and wish me luck, or walk away. It's your choice."

Harry made the wrong one. Instead of hugging Louis like he should have, he practically ran to Paul and his waiting car. 

**************************************************************************

"He's on a date, Paul! He's going on a fucking date!" Harry nearly screamed once he was inside the car.

"Yeah? Good for him."

"What are you even talking about? How can you say that? Things were getting better between us...and now this? Bleeding Christ, Paul. Is he trying to torture me to death?"

"No, Harry, he's trying to get over you."

"Why? I'm right here, Paul. Right here!"

"That's not enough, anymore, Harry."

"But he said he forgave me, Paul. He said it. And we were talking again. Like really talking--not that one word bullshit like at the beginning. What do you call that, Paul?"

"Friendship?"

"Fuck you."

"Watch it, Harry."

"Sorry. You know I didn't mean that. I'm just so frustrated. Why am I so frustrated, Paul? Why?"

"Because, for the first time in your life, you can't have what you want."

"Fuck you, Paul. And this time I do mean it."

"You can mean it all you want, but facts are facts."

"You can't tell me he doesn't still have feelings for me....you can't tell me that he doesn't still love me. He has to."

"Really? And why's that?"

"Because of everything we've shared! Because of everything we've been through, Paul. And now he's....he's.....dating?"

"You say it like dating is worse than letting your ex-boyfriend fuck you."

Harry had nothing to say after that. He knew Paul was right--but he just couldn't accept it. And nothing on this earth could ever make him. Louis could date a million guys--fuck a million guys--and it wouldn't change what he felt for him. 

"And besides," Paul said, "management wants to see you next week. Said they've got some long term plans to discuss with you. Well, you and Liam."

"So it's happening, then."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

***********************************************************************

And it did. After that, things just got worse. Management wanted to talk solo careers--and eventually convinced both he and Liam that it was for the best. And even though management had asked them to keep it a secret until after the tour, Liam went straight to Zayn's room and told him everything. And of course Zayn told Louis and Niall. 

"Well, I guess it's plan B, then," was all Louis had said in reply. 

Half way through the stadium tour, they all knew it was over. The shows were sold out, sure...but the energy was gone, somehow. The crowds of girls still danced and sang along, but it wasn't the same. The ride was coming to an end, and they all knew it. Interestingly enough, they'd all started working on plans for the future. Niall was dating a Victoria Secret Lingerie model--and things were serious. Looked like they'd be getting engaged, soon. And Zayn got a group of investors together and was working on is own management company. 

"I know I can do it better than those fucktards at Modest," he'd said. And everyone believed him. And so did Liam--he was the first person his company signed. And by the end of the tour, BeyondMusic had signed fifteen more high-profile acts and a few no names, as well. Simon had helped Zayn put the initial business model together and even backed him. And that went a long way in getting the company off the ground.

Liam and Harry worked on new music for much of the tour. For Harry, it just felt wrong. Liam was born for it--hell, he'd never wanted to be in a group anyway--but Harry was different. He had to relearn how to sing without backup vocals--and it took time. By the time he finished his album, though, he was proud of it. They even let him record a couple of his own songs. But most were written for him by people he'd never even met. 

Louis quietly went about his business. He'd perform, do interviews, and then disappear back into his room until it was time to do it all over again. Amazingly, he looked well rested and happy--so much happier than everyone else. Harry, Liam and Zayn were working their asses off, essentially doing two jobs. Niall just missed his fiance like crazy and spent most of his time on the phone or skype. And who could blame him? And when he asked the guys if his fiance looked fat to them at dinner a few weeks before the tour ended...well...they drank the night away together, for once. And it was amazing...if only for a brief while. 

But Harry still hadn't dated. Not once. He worked like mad and tried to ignore the way he felt when Louis would giggle on the phone, or spend hours texting away--paying him no mind. Louis was happy....but he was miserable. The kind of miserable that made it impossible to enjoy anything else in life. After Louis had ended things, he'd just never been able to find any balance.

Over the next year, Harry put everything he had into performing. Smaller venues, small crowds. It took him a while, but he eventually got used to being on stage by himself, though he never enjoyed it as much as he had when it was the five of them. And it was so much more work. His first album did fairly well--he even won an award or two, but he was so, so tired. Hell, he'd been touring and promoting for almost five years straight. Paul made it better, though. He'd stayed by his side through it all--and Harry thought of him as his truest friend. And it only hurt a little bit when he'd take a call from Louis and they'd laugh and laugh while Harry sat back and tried to ignore their conversations. He never really could, though. He dated off and on, too, but it was hopeless. Oprah would call him "emotionally unavailable." He'd call him pathetic. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't let anyone in. No one ever made him feel the way Louis had--and he doubted anyone ever would. But he kept trying to find a connection--but he just couldn't fake it, and eventually the person he'd be dating gave up on him. He just couldn't stop himself from comparing everyone he met to Lou. 

******************************************************

Louis and Eros dated off and on for the better part of a year, but it never got serious. Once, when they were drunk at some black-tie event, Eros made the unfortunate mistake of asking Louis why he never saw love in his eyes when he looked at him. It was pretty much over after that. Over the next year, Louis finished what he'd started on the stadium tour--and by December, he'd earned his masters degree in Music with a minor in teaching--and got an excellent job at a prestigious performing arts academy. He loved teaching kids--and he was good at it. He was patient and funny--full of energy--all the things that teenagers admired in an instructor. But after Eros, he was off the market. No use, he thought. So he got a cat and decided that spinster status would have to do. 

At least Liam and Zayn lived close by--and they saw each other nearly every week. They had remained close, thank god. Niall and his wife would stop by, too, with the baby--and he could tell it wouldn't be long before Zayn and Liam adopted one of their own. Everyone's life had worked out--moved on--made it out of "boy band" land. But in a way, Louis was still stuck there. He always felt like he'd left a part of himself behind--a part that he just couldn't recognize anymore. 

And that's when it happened. They were all over at Liam and Zayn's, getting ready to watch a movie, when Niall said it. 

"Oh my fuh...I mean...good god....you'd better come look at this!"

Everyone made their way from the kitchen into the living room--carrying food--and saw what Niall saw. Harry--at one of his many charity events. And, as usual, throngs of reporters gathered around him, hounding him with questions. And he looked exhausted. 

"Never seen him look this bad, mate, " Niall mumbled to Liam, who had made his way over to him and handed him a plate of food, "You think he's alright then?"

"Don't know. Looks like the reporters are giving him a right hard time, for sure."

But it was Zayn that noticed the difference, first. 

"Turn it up, Nialler....and somebody go get Lou out of the kitchen."

"Why?"

"Just do it, Li. Trust me."

Niall turned it up...and when Liam returned from the kitchen--with Louis begrudgingly in tow--they all watched--spellbound--at what was unfolding on the screen.

***********************************************************

"Harry! Harry! Who's the lucky girl tonight, then? Tell us! Harry!"

"Uh....right. I'm here tonight to support the BBA, and the tireless work they do to help burn victims and their families...."

"Who you dating, Harry! Harry! How's Emily? Harry!"

"....I want to pay special thanks to the doctors and nurses at Westminster Regional, as well as Chelsea, for their tireless efforts..."

"Come on Harry! What are you wearing tonight, then? Have you met the designer? Harry! Harry! Over here!"

Harry had been through countless hours of media training, so he was supposed to know exactly what to do in this situation...but he was so fucking tired. He looked over to the side to find Paul, and made eye contact. By now, Paul could read his mind....and he just nodded and shrugged...and walked over to stand behind his friends left shoulder. He grabbed the bottom of Harry's short jacket, just to let him know he was there and wasn't going to leave him. 

"I can have you out of here in twenty seconds, Harry...just say the word," Paul whispered into Harry's ear, on his way into position.

"Oh...I don't think that will be necessary, Paul. Just make sure they don't kill me, OK?" Harry whispered back.

"Right. You sure about this, then?"

"Oh, absolutely. It's long overdue, mate."

"Go for it then. I've got you."

"Alright! Alright! Quiet down everyone. One at a time! It's you're lucky night! What do you really want to know, then? Seeing as how you don't give a shit about the BBA. So go ahead....ask away!."

Almost immediately, a weird calm worked its why through the hoards--and for the first time Harry could remember--no one was yelling ridiculous questions in his face. There was only stunned silence.

"What? That's it? I'm finally giving you what you want, right? Free shots at Harry Styles! And no bloody takers? Come on, then. Out with it!"

And as quickly as the group silenced themselves, they erupted.

"Who are you dating, Harry! Where do you live, Harry! How many girls have you slept with Harry! Did you and Nick date? Are you gay? Harry! Harry!"

"For the record," Harry started calmly, "I'm not dating anyone right now. And as for where I live, that's none of your business, is it? I live alone. All by myself, alright?"

The crowd had quieted again, and Harry could see that, for the first time ever, he had their undivided attention. Instead of cowering away, he took a step forward. Flashbulbs were still popping, and he could see video cameras all around, but he didn't give a fuck. It was time.

"Do you people really think my sexuality is going to sell papers? Do you honestly believe that who I sleep with is newsworthy? That it should be posted on the front page of newspapers, or be lead story on your websites? Is that it? Do you think if I tell you my personal business that you'll make money off it? Well, fine then. Are you all listening? Are you? 

The throngs were not only silent...they were absolutely still. 

"So this is what it takes for me to get you to be quiet and listen? I couldn't get one of you to listen to me talk about the BBA...but this....you all just shut up and pay attention? I can't believe that who I fuck is more important than this charity. Fine. So ask it then. Who's first? I'll answer whatever the fuck you ask me."

Harry stood up straight and looked them all straight in the eye, and waited. 

"No one? You people make me sick. Here I am, everyone! Just one man...standing up here in front of all of you fine people....and not one of you has the balls to ask me? You've been hounding me with this shit for years...and now this? You disappoint me, you really, really do."

"Harry! Elizabeth Sky from BBC. Are you gay then?"

"Well, gentlemen...seems you've all been outdone by the lovely Elizabeth." Harry turned to the young reporter and flashed his brilliant smile. He was in charge now, and everyone single one of the rat bastards knew it. 

"Yes, Elizabeth. I am."

Flashbulbs. Craziness.

"Harry! Harry! Tell us, do you top or bottom then?"

"Sorry...what was that....and I didn't catch your name, mate."

"Brent Baker, E News Online....so....which is it, Harry?"

"Why don't you bring that lovely microphone over to my house later and I'll show you."

The whole press group erupted in laughter as poor old Mr. Baker from E News flipped his hip out and gave Harry a smile of his own. 

"Is that an invitation then, Brent? Because I've got to tell ya....I'm working with the Pride Of Britain, mate, or didn't you know?" More laughter.

"Harry! Harry! Mary, Sugarscape."

"Hi sweetheart." 

"Hi Harry. Harry....I've followed you since you were sixteen....please....I know Sugarscape readers would love to know....when did you know you were gay, Harry? And did you and Louis have more than just the much publicized bromance? Come on, Harry....the world wants to know!"

"I'm sure they do. So...yeah....I've known since I was a kid...but my mum knew way before that. When I told her she just smirked and said, "Honey...you were born gay." 

Even more laughter. 

"And as for Louis Tomlinson...that really is none of your business."

"So just a bromance then? Really?"

"I'm not going to comment on the nature of any relationships I may have had, past or present. So you can stop asking. Now what I am going to do, is tell you about the BBA, and the fine medical staff at our local hospitals...and how much they deserve England's consideration as a charitable organization. Anybody got a problem with that?"

And no one did. The press group listened and took notes, and for once, reported the news. After Harry finished talking about the BBA--and to a rapt audience, even, he smiled and nodded, signaling the end of his message. 

"Harry! Harry! One last question! Please! Mr. Styles!"

"One more, then."

"Where are you going after the gala tonight?"

"Home. I'm going home." 

******************************************************************************************

Half way through Harry's tirade, Louis realized that Zayn had walked over and grabbed his hand--and Liam had wrapped an arm around his shoulders. And when Harry finished, Louis grabbed his keys off the counter, flipped to the last one one on the ring, and stood staring at it for a few long minutes. He looked up at Zayn, then Liam, nodded--and walked out the door. 

"Did you guys see that shi...uh...stuff? Harry handled that like a right pro, he did."

"Not just that, Niall," Zayn answered, "he handled it like a man."

"Yeah he did. Hey, where'd Lou go?"

"Home, Niall. He's finally going home."


	20. Perfection

It didn't take long for Louis to make the trip. He'd made it in his head hundreds of times--his heart, body and soul all begged him to go almost every day--but his brain always got in the way. But right now, everything in him was on board. He knew he was taking a huge emotional risk--but he was tired of feeling incomplete--tired of being lonely--tired of being without Harry. And this was the first step in putting his life back together. So he said a silent prayer to himself as he entered the gate code and parked. It'd been years since he'd been here, but he found his way easily enough. It wasn't until he was ten steps away from the door that panic set in.

"Pull it together, Tomlinson," he thought, as he took a deep breath and walked the final ten steps. Instead of putting the old key into the lock, he leaned his head against the once familiar door and steadied himself. He was afraid--absolutely and completely afraid of the emotional demons that haunted the other side.

"Your key will still work, ya know. If you decide to use it."

Stunned, Louis lifted his head off the smooth wood and turned to look at the one man who could piece him back together.

"Harry? Is that you? What are you doing here?"

"I live here, Louis."

"You live here?"

"Of course I do. This is my home."

Louis was totally confused. But Harry was here--standing right in front of him--so he had to take his shot. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't. So he pulled himself together enough to reply.

"I was just going to come by to...uh...see the place...ya know? I guess that sounds really strange."

"No. Not strange at all. I used to come here all the time...to....uh...think. It was always easy for me to do that here--that's probably why I moved back in. So, yeah...come on in, if you want to, and we'll pull out the whisky, get shit faced and start telling tales." 

The light in Harry's eyes helped Louis relax a little, so he moved to the side and pondered the invitation. A drink sounded simple enough. He could make it through a drink. Louis watched as Harry unlocked the door and and walked inside--leaving it open for him to follow behind--but Louis couldn't make his feet move. It didn't take Harry long to realize that Louis hadn't followed him in--so he went back to the open door and leaned against it's frame, and took in the sight before him. Louis looked impossibly fit--even more fit than when he was playing soccer on the regular--and Harry had to reign his thoughts in. He wore simple clothes, now, he noticed-- but everything he ever threw on his body looked good on him, accentuated his curves. Fuck. Pull it together, Styles, he thought. Harry mentally checked himself long enough to notice that Louis hadn't moved an inch from his previous spot, and looked to be deep in thought. 

"Lou? You alright there?"

"Hmmmm? What?"

Harry reached out and grabbed Louis' wrist, only meaning to give him a gentle tug and encourage him to come inside--but he never could have expected what happened next. It was a simple touch, really--just fingers brushing against skin--but it set off an uncontrollable chain reaction of emotions in Harry that god himself couldn't have stopped. 

After Harry had managed to tug Louis inside, the two stood staring at each other in the entry way of the apartment they'd once called home. You could have cut the sexual tension with a chain saw--and both men found it next to impossible to breathe. It was blue on green--for the first time in forever--and neither could break the contact. And Harry hadn't let go of Louis' wrist--he had, in fact, tightened his grip. In a flash of adrenaline and pent up longing, Harry dove in and crashed his mouth against Louis'. And when Harry felt that Louis' mouth was already open for him when he got there--it was purely and simply, on. 

Within seconds, Louis had rid Harry of his shirt--and was gripping his skin. He knew he was leaving marks on his body, but he was too caught up in the moment to give a fuck. Harry's hands were equally busy yanking Louis' pants down his thighs--and after allowing Louis to rip off his shirt--went back to work on his own dress pants, but it was Louis who yanked them all the way off. 

Harry picked Louis up and slammed him up against the entry wall and tangled his hands in his soft hair--exactly right--causing Louis to let out a low, needy groan. Louis wasted no time in wrapping his legs around Harry's waist and then they were grinding--fucking grinding--like underage schoolboys with a curfew. And it was beyond fabulous. Harry released one of his hands from Louis' hair and quickly wrapped it around both their cocks--adding friction--purposely bringing them closer to the inevitable. And when Louis reached down and thumbed over Harry's slit, just the way he knew he loved it--Harry lost it--spilling over both their hands with a shameless cry of pure relief. The added slick Harry provided proved too much for Louis--who quietly followed him over the edge mere seconds later. It was fast--much too fast--but neither man complained as they exchanged hot, unsteady breaths--too caught up in their release to even kiss properly. 

Harry's legs gave out after that, and he collapsed onto the hallway rug with Louis on top of him. And as they lay panting on the floor--messy and lightheaded--both felt complete for the first time in so, so long. 

"Harry....you left the door open again, mate........uh....holy fuck.....Louis? Oh my god. Louis, is that you?"

"Hi, Paul. Would you mind closing the door, then?" Louis responded with a monumental effort of lifting his head and turning to look at his stunned friend.

It was Harry that started laughing first, but soon it was the three of them--and it felt good. Naturally good. Louis could literally feel every part of himself clicking into place. He felt like a timepiece that had been wound for the first time in years--and in a way, he was. He was finally ticking again--alive. 

"Sure, Louis. I'll get the door," Paul replied as he smirked and backed out of the hallway. "And it's about fucking time, I might add. About fucking time."

Louis collapsed back on top of Harry and the two held on to each other for a long, long time--neither quite ready for the moment to end. 

"So....whisky, then?" Harry eventually mumbled...waking up from the blissful haze that he recognized immediately as the only thing it could be. Tomlinson. 

"Yeah....sounds good."

It should have been weird--but it wasn't. Both men stood up, cleaned and dressed, and walked into the kitchen to have that drink. 

"So that was unexpected," Harry began, peeking up at Louis through damp eyelashes and fringe.

"Unexpectedly brilliant," Louis responded, as he watched Harry grab two glasses and a bottle of Maker's Mark off the top of the fridge. Louis got lost in the long lines of Harry's now fuller, thicker body. Man weight looked good on him, he thought, as Harry walked back over the the tiny kitchen table and sat down. 

"How many fingers, then?"

The casual look on Louis' face was gone in an instant--and it only took Harry a second to catch up.

"Oh my god, Louis. Really?"

"After what just happened in our hallway over there...did you really expect anything different?" Louis supplied--feeling like himself--cheeky and vibrant-- for the first time in forever. 

And then it was Harry's turn to drop the casual look.

"Harry?"

"Could it be, then?" Harry nearly whispered.

"Could it be what, Harry?

"The hallway. You called it our hallway, Lou."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you did." Harry settled himself into his chair and filled both glasses, then slid one over to Louis. They sat in silence for a while, thinking their own thoughts--preparing for the conversation to come. But neither touched their drinks. It was Harry who broke the silence.

"Why did you come here, tonight, Lou?"

"Well....I didn't come here for what happened in the hallway, if that's what you're asking," Louis grinned out.

"That's a shame, then," Harry said teasingly, "I rather enjoyed that."

"Right? I haven't done something like that in far too long."

"Too long for me, too...as if you couldn't tell," Harry admitted with a chuckle. 

Both men exchanged smiles that, for once, met their eyes. Harry still knew Louis Tomlinson--the encounter in the hallway proved at least that much--so he relaxed back into his chair and waited him out. Hell, Louis used to do this very same thing to him all the time, to get him to talk. He didn't have to wonder too long if it would work, though, because a few moments later, Louis picked up his drink--gently rocked the liquid in circles a few times--and began to explain himself.

"Man, I really missed this place. I was expecting to find an empty old apartment--not all this. It really looks great, Harry."

"You think so? I worked hard on it. Just wait until you see the upstairs," Harry added playfully.

"Upstairs? I know I haven't been here in like four years, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember if the place had a second floor."

"Well," Harry added, still grinning from ear to ear, "after I moved in, I decided that I needed more space, so I bought this whole side of the building. The renovations took nearly a year--but I was on the road, anyway, so it wasn't too much of a bother."

"When did you do all this?"

"I bought it right after Australia."

Louis hadn't been expecting that--at all. What other surprises did this evening have in store for him? He had no idea--and the way this night was going, he thought anything was possible. 

"Wanna see the place, then?" Harry offered, extending his arms out wide.

"Sure."

Harry stood up, emptied his glass, stared at the bottom of it for a few seconds, nodded his head to himself--and touched Louis' shoulder. Still tingling from the touch, Lou emptied his own glass and stood up to follow Harry down the hallway towards the bedrooms. Instead of two doors, like there had been, Louis noticed there was only one, but Harry had continued down the short hall to a spiral staircase that wasn't there four years ago. 

"I combined the old bedrooms into one space--and added a library to one end. But I spend most all my time up here. It's kind of like my sanctuary."

Louis watched, spellbound, as Harry climbed the stairs with a natural elegance and grace. The clumsy, awkward boy that he once knew was long gone--and Louis found himself mesmerized by the shape of him. His body had filled out nicely--broad shoulders, lean waist and strong legs. Harry had always been a beautiful kid...but this? This was too much. Harry was simply the most attractive man Louis had ever seen. Breathtaking, really. And when Harry climbed a little higher, and Louis got a good luck at Harry in tailored slacks, well. He couldn't be held responsible for where his mind raced too--especially after what had happened just an hour ago. 

"Lou?" Harry questioned, with a half-grin. The tone of the word let Louis know that Harry knew exactly what he was thinking. Hell, he always did. "You coming?" 

Harry finished the climb and disappeared into the space above. It took a few seconds, but Louis eventually got control of himself and followed.

The apartment above had been turned into a loft. The walls no longer existed, and the flooring had been redone--dark teak. Printed room dividers separated what was once the kitchen area, and Louis could make out the futon and simple Japanese furniture that filled in the space. The rest of the loft was empty. 

"This is where you spend most of your time? There's no living area, Harry. What do you do up here, then?"

"I guess I just relax and think. I never have time to do any thinking when I'm on the road."

"You have so much open space up here, Harry. Do you have any plans for it?"

"Yeah, I do, actually. I was thinking I could divide the remaining area into two--a music room and maybe...well, doesn't matter."

"A music room sounds nice. Maybe a piano? A piano would sound great up here with these high ceilings. Also, the light is really good with the higher windows...it'd be a great place to...." Louis let his voice trail off, not daring to finish the thought. 

"To what, Lou?"

"I was going to say draw...or paint? It would make an excellent art room."

"Yeah...I always thought so, too."

"So why'd you leave it empty, then?"

"I was waiting, Louis."

"On what?"

Harry didn't answer, and had made his way back to the stair case and had quietly begun the descent. Louis felt his insides start to shake--and he found himself--for the second time tonight--scared out of his mind. This is it....he thought to himself. Right now....this moment...was it. He was either going to do it right this second, or let the moment pass by. And he couldn't do that. He'd come here to figure out things about himself--and even though it happened so much faster than he ever anticipated--he now knew the answers to the questions that had plagued him for far too long. He knew exactly what he wanted, hell, he was looking right at it. 

"Harry?" Louis' shaky voice called out, "Come here."

Harry stopped on the first step and turned to look at Louis--and knew. He had no doubts anymore--no pent up anger, no left-over jealousy or resentment--he simply knew. He walked back over to Louis, took a deep breath, and waited for whatever Louis was about to say. 

"You still know me, Harry."

"Yeah....I do."

"Can you still read my mind, then?"

"Oh definitely...but I need to hear you ask, Louis."

"Even after all this time, Harry?"

"Maybe because of all the time, Louis. You were right back then. I had a lot of growing up to do--I had a lot to figure out about myself. Paul helped some, sure, but at the end of the day, I was making my own decisions...figuring out my own path. But no matter where life took me...no matter how loud the audience cheered, or how much recognition I received....I still felt incomplete. And I always knew why, Lou. Always. And I could never find anyone or anything that could fill it. In a way, I'm just like this room....beautiful on the outside, but...empty, Lou... empty on the inside. Do you now what that feels like? I feel like my whole life has been put on hold, Lou....and now you're here....right here...and I want to believe that means something...something great, even."

"I know exactly what it feels like, Harry. Every single thing you just said about yourself, I could say about me, Harry. I have a great job and amazing, talented friends, but there's a part of me that's just....missing. And I know it's you, Harry. Please tell me I'm not crazy, and that time doesn't matter? Please?"

Harry closed the short distance left over between them and wrapped his arms around Louis--and the two men stood holding each other for a very long time. 

"Harry? Listen....I now you'll want to start off slow...and I want you to know that I'm OK with that, I really am....."

"Oh no," Harry interrupted, "I'm so not doing that. No fucking way am I enduring the Louis Tomlinson "let's wait on sex" program again. Once was enough." 

Harry took a tiny step away from Louis and seductively peeled his shirt up and off his body--and then dropped it on the floor. 

"Now Louis William Tomlinson," Harry teased, as he ran his hands down over his body, "get your kit off....and come get in the shower with me. And I expect perfection, Tomlinson. Just so you know."

"You know, Harry," Louis smirked, removing his own shirt--grinning as he watched Harry's eyes darken with intent, "perfection is an unobtainable goal." 

"Yeah? Well, we'll just have to see about that, Louis. We'll just have to see about that. Now... are you coming?

"Oh, yes....I most definitely am."

****************************************************************************

Turns out Louis was wrong, after all. Louis learned at least that during their lifetime together. He learned that every day spent with Harry Styles contained some amount of perfection--and whether it was large or small, it didn't really matter. Harry was what mattered--and as long as Louis had him, everything else was fine--just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's done. My first fic! Please let me know your thoughts :) Thanks everyone for reading...it's been so much! Happy New Year!


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